DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
Georgia police were so confident Marshall was the man who killed young Janet Kelly in a state bear preserve, they didn’t investigate other suspects.
The Onion
Nation’s Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: ‘Let’s Move In Together’
Girlfriends’ spokesperson Kelly Ambrose joins us in the Financial Fallout Shelter to discuss why Boyfriends moving in with them just makes fiscal sense right now.
Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
Designers say the new game explores the endless paperwork, routine patrolling a modern day soldier endures in photorealistic detail.
New Psychedelic Weight Loss Drug Transforms Food Into Monstrous Hallucinations
Season 2 Preview – Watch The Onion On TV Tues 10/4 at 10/9c only on IFC. New diet pill, Hallucex, yields tremendous results in curbing appetite by tricking patients into thinking their food has turned into a horrifying, bloodthirsty demon.
Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air
Jim Haggerty helps to raise awareness about kidney stones by undergoing an operation in front of cameras. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner
Toyota’s new Prius Solution reduces its driver’s carbon footprint to zero by impaling them through the lungs with spikes as soon as they get in the car. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
Pigmaster General – Porkin’ Across America – Ep. 7
The Cleveland Hog Fair is the most important pig event in Ohio, and Jim’s the guest of honor. Jim’s grilling up a little of everything and anointing one lucky oinker as the king of the pig fair. Plus, Jim finally brings home the bacon to his wife Deb. Subscribe to […]
America’s Sandiest Car? – America’s Best – Ep. 7
Today on America’s Best: the judges are looking for America’s sandiest car, but there’s not enough room to bring a car into the studio. Will photographs of the sandy cars suffice? For Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The […]
The Onion’s Future News From The Year 2137
For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 a catastrophe has reduced the world to a lawless wasteland — food and water are […]
The Best Of Today Now!: Fresh Roasted Cup Of News
For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video The best of the Onion News Network’s morning show, including stories like New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens ‘It’s Gay To Smoke’ and ’12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams.’ For Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion […]
