Epidemiologists Confirm First Airborne Transmission Of Mar-A-Lago Face
Health experts believe the discovery could explain the sudden rise in cases, which rapidly progresses from skin tightness to the sudden onset of severe facial disfigurement.
Become an Onion member while it’s still optional: https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001geULHAA2
@illitero
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Update: due to recent holds placed on UFC fights, trump has confirmed a short-term dedicated space to set up an arena on the White House lawn to appease the administration's bloodlust.
@u.npeacekeeperball432
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
I nearly choked on my fry on the last part.
@MychaelJones-p4p
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
TS is so much more tame than real life bro
@illiterateandroid5112
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Alien face. 😂
Orange County.
San Diego county too
It definitely airborne.
Though the other neighbor Riverside county still has The ape drape syndrome as described by the Vandals in 1998.
@rachelppython
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Glad they found the missing dog. And the missing girl as well.
@earthalien2584
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
The Onion feels like a left-wing Babylon Bee now. Both terminally unfunny
@codydog1700
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
What happened to the onion?
@mannaj.770
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
The graphic lmao
@Mystery-World-0
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
“With Him’s new ozempic ads, finally surpasses male insecurity as lead source of male loneliness.”
@antmonrad
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
they purdy
@Lurmox
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Ok now I know that this channel is comedy. Real life is absurd but THIS IS RIDICULOUS
@sandysmith1639
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
They all have herpes.
@KeriSM518
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
They forgot to put Charleston, SC on the map!
@20alphabet
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Notice how they connected making America great with a contagious disease. Odd how those Biden/Harris voters fail at humor, not unlike recent SNL attempts.
@bruh_oscukr
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Guys, as someone living in Ukraine, best wishes to US with the new outbreak. The MAGA group of diseases really has been rampant there for the past couple of days
@InternationalScoutIIHarvester
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Please, do not ignore windmill cancer!
@Prajwal_Nayak
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
You've seen the news, now touch it with your fingers🫵
@Prajwal_Nayak
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
0:45 now that's a netflix special
@folúsghlantóir
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Oh thank god the Xbox is safe
@kittenburger_prime
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Bondi's got so bad Trump had to fire her to make sure it didn't tear itself apart in the middle of a Senate hearing.
@PeterLustig-kq1nj
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
heart the next level of this disease is the "saw-guy" or "voldemort" symptom.
@glennlivet560
April 15, 2026 at 4:38 pm
Cash Patel enters Mir-a-laxo through the Personal Services and Domestic Staff back door. His symptoms are swollen lips tongue and a "surprised look", the eye condition known as Proptosis.