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Why Modern Love Fails and How to Rescue It – The Cultural Tutor

Alex O'Connor | August 14, 2025



Preorder Sheehan’s Book, The Cultural Tutor: https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/458970/the-cultural-tutor-by-quirke-sheehan/9780241742853

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– VIDEO NOTES

Sheehan Quirke is The Cultural Tutor. A writer on history, art, and architecture with millions of followers, he is also the author of the forthcoming The Cultural Tutor: Forty-Nine Lessons You Wish You’d Learned at School, which is currently available for preorder.

– LINKS

Preorder Sheehan’s Book, The Cultural Tutor: https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/458970/the-cultural-tutor-by-quirke-sheehan/9780241742853

The Cultural Tutor on X: https://x.com/culturaltutor

– TIMESTAMPS

0:00 – Is Romance Dead?
7:40 – Why Don’t We Write Letters Anymore?
12:10 – The “Dating Market”
18:00 – The Destructive Effect of Convenience
24:41 – Why is the “Manosphere” Popular?
26:43 – The Greatest Writers on Love
36:44 – Has Porn Ruined Love?
45:55 – Is Love Worth Fighting For?
1:01:40 – Love in Philosophy
1:06:30 – Love in the “Modern World”

– CONNECT

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The Within Reason Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/within-reason/id1458675168

– CONTACT

Business email: contact@alexoconnor.com

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Written by Alex O'Connor

Comments

This post currently has 25 comments.

  5. @talonwoolsey3

    August 14, 2025 at 8:39 am

    Hey Alex, if you continue to find yourself curious about this topic, I think you should consider having Rollo Tomassi on for a future interview. I think you would enjoy it.

  6. @KieranLeCam

    August 14, 2025 at 8:39 am

    I disagree with "no one is happy because of their times". Firstly "no one" is very general language. Secondly gratitude is practiced every day by many people in the world. Just like you can train yourself to play tennis, or practice studying, you can train yourself to be grateful about what you're given (and indeed, fight the urge to prioritize convenience as mentioned earlier in the video). Moreover, the act of practice makes the mastery of a skill as unnatural as it is unnatural to learn to walk when we were born unable to. Perhaps too much value is placed on the innate.

  10. @SMNC2025

    August 14, 2025 at 8:39 am

    You don't get a whole lot of progress on dating apps; an organic five minute conversation turns into weeks of trying to even meet a person to even have that five minutes.

  12. @GinoNL

    August 14, 2025 at 8:39 am

    And what is wrong with the manosphere precisely? Should men just accept everything that happens to them, societally? Should they not join together and fight those that are a danger to society? Like modern women? Once women stop being attracted to toxic, powerful and wealthy men, men will become less materialistic. But ofcourse, it's always men's fault.

  17. @hugh3431

    August 14, 2025 at 8:39 am

    Saying dating apps and scheduling dates is disgusting?!
    He’s basically saying how things “should” be like fairy tales and romance novels and it’s wrong that people don’t go about their lives like that.

    Honestly sounds like he has no idea about what love really is in the real world. WTF’s wrong with agreeing to meet someone at a given time? Dating apps can just be ways to put you in touch with people you might like, you meet them in person and then you can have all the date romance.
    Feel like he just needs a conversation with couples who have met online

  19. @jujjuj7676

    August 14, 2025 at 8:39 am

    I’m done with Alex. He filters everything through a need to sound polished and agreeable, even when it means sidestepping obvious falsehoods. His refusal to confront nonsense head-on doesn’t make him thoughtful it makes him useless in any setting where clarity and truth actually matter. He tolerates misinformation under the illusion of balance, but all it does is drag the discourse down to the level of the irrational. After his last discussion saying he might be a thiest, its clear he is siding with comfort over truth now. 😢

  24. @neamyro

    August 14, 2025 at 8:39 am

    I find it difficult to understand such a stark, black-and-white stance. There is so much to unpack when it comes to how we perceive love and form relationships today. Certainly, much can, and should, be questioned. But I can’t help but feel that beneath this debate lie many confusions and blind spots.

    It seems fairly clear to me that the kind of love being invoked is an idealized one. Is it beautiful? Perhaps on the page, in a painting, in the dizzying passion of encountering the Other. That moment when we forget ourselves, when the contours of who we are blur in the presence of someone else. But is that real?

    I don’t deny the existence of that feeling. It can resemble love, and perhaps it is love. One we’ve written about endlessly, because the experience of dissolving into another and being reborn from that fusion is deeply timeless. There’s something transcendental in it, something that briefly lifts us beyond the rationality of everyday life.

    But I also believe that love, in a modern sense, can be something else entirely. Something quieter, more lucid. A love that doesn’t consume us, but gently sustains us. Not a madness, but a form of clarity. Not less powerful because it's reasoned, but perhaps more powerful because it’s rooted in awareness.

    Social changes today are undeniably unsettling, and we haven’t had the time, or the tools, to fully adjust. Dating apps, when used mindfully, can simply be a way to meet people. In a world where cities are increasingly dense and individuals increasingly complex, shaped by multiple, intersecting environments, it’s no wonder we expect more from love. We seek a love that heals, that elevates, that aligns with our deepest values.

    And no, I don’t think all of it should be thrown away. Dating apps, text messages, they’re just mediums. Having access to someone I love through a screen has never stopped me from writing letters. Beginning a connection online has never prevented me from feeling the vertigo of real, in-person intimacy.

    In the end, perhaps the most profound love is the one that offers both, the fire of transcendence and the warmth of constancy.

Comments are closed.

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