Doctors Say Digging Own Grave Keeps Bones Healthy After Menopause
Physicians now recommend that women who are no longer able to conceive dig at least 30 minutes a day, five days a week.
Become an Onion member while it’s still optional: https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001geULHAA2
@melaniedahl1572
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Well, that's what I'm doing back there.
@DarwinsWaitingRoomIsFull
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
bahahahahahaha Retired Internal Medicine nurse here, and I used to say we women got the shit end of the stick when it comes to bone strength.
@TheMcpherson4
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
I can’t see the vid.
@BrawndoDrinker
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Instructions unclear, do I dig lonely graves for older women who admit the men they don't want were right all along?
@culwin
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Objection. This is only good for women with 0-4 children. Since the underpopulation epidemic, we need women (even older ones) to take care of the 10 or 12 kids they will be having. Consider that statistically, at least 33% of all offspring will grow to be man-children who can't even cook their own food or do their own laundry.
@moreanimals6889
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
That's my retierment plan if things get bad enough. Otherwise I will travel.
@gertschepens9535
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Hahaha
@daruekeller
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
and here's a little absolute reality to go along with that, there are clubs forming of people building their own coffins, much much cheaper that way.
@Rokari187
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
You beat Fox News to it.
@heather6679
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
I’ve found that HIIT (high intensity idiot training) really helped me build the exposure tolerance needed for the next 50 years of the rest of my life. Kettlebell swings usually connect with the exact right part of the idiot, based on my height.
@kenjohnston1257
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
PATRIOTS DONT WATCH THE ONION THEY ARE THE ONES THAT STOLD ALEX JONES CHANNEL THEY ARE NOTHING BUT LIBS I BET
@ByGreatJustice
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Lab grown deity, lmao
@wendyflores1092
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
@leigh_sis
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Excellent reporting!
@RobNeeth
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
As long as we're keeping women away from anything important, I'm all for it.
@NoExceptionsToTheRules
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
🙁 I gave all my bones to Richard Dunn over a decade ago. He needed them and they specifically said I couldn't substitute for Squirrel Bones…
@leslichumley-cc6wz
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
If trump isnt out by November then I’m going to dig my own grave. At least it’ll help my bone growth before the big nap I guess
@AceOfBased84
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
I remember way back to when the onion was actually funny
@einundsiebenziger5488
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
0:33 – "Once a woman is past child bearing age, both her bone density and her utility to society (two things) steeply diminish*" Smart man, but doesn't know what a plural is. Don't trust him.
@alcidesprieto1967
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Facts and data straight from the male clinic.
@RoughThief
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
The onion continues its new trend of just broadcasting news.
@Mile-long-list
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
It's called getting a wife a.k.a digging your own grave.
@hsmith83
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Truely sad and pathetic
Rip onion
You used to be funny 😂❤
@fozzibab
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
I'm so happy you people are back doing video news stories. Do more future news, please! HOW IT DO, VITAMIN? WHAT IT IS, ESTY.
@nickmoore9643
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
The Nazis were real big into having the victims dig their own grave.
@carryon2197
May 9, 2026 at 11:56 pm
Onion news any news regarding reduced hearing, decreased vision, Balding of old age. Help the community if any such pathbreaking novel medical breakthrough please
Comments are closed.