Chump To Receive No Compensation For Rescuing Children From Fire
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Become an Onion member while it’s still optional: https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001geULHAA2
@Shark20167
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
God damn that’s good. I am so happy this was four days ago, it’s perfect
@LPW638
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Fighting fires is best left to the free-market anyway.
@danielscheib119
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
This is what's wrong in our society!! I Cnot beleive he would be treated like this!!!
What a brave young man, praying for you 🙏
@todo9633
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
SMH, now the parents are going to sue him for touching their kids.
@Beliserius1
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
What was he thinking? She could've been rewarded a million dollars if those kids died and she started the fire.
@Jethro-Gull
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
He didn't even record it for clicks and views on YouTube not even one beg to subscribe. WTF.
@nullvoid244
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Water bottle take back ftw
@JonahOswald-r8k
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
DOGGIE VERIFIED GRIEF
@lezzere7282
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Rip Oprah 🥀🥀🥀
@tao31416
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Second cousins? Clearly they aren’t. I mean, it’s just an endearing term…
@oisinlynch8427
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Someone please tell me this is some kind of snl skit
@culwin
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Was he even live streaming from his phone?
If not, what a schmuck.
@franciscovarela7127
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Accurate report of American society today. "Show me the money."
@HomicidalTh0r
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
You can't just go around saving kids from burning buildings without signing a contract dictating the terms, conditions, and payment.
This is just how business is done. Without it, every Tom, Dick, and Harry would run wild, saving kids from burning buildings and demanding payment from everyone.
For all we know, he was probably the one who put those kids in that building and set the fire just to make a scene hoping for a quick pay day. Unbelievable.
We can do better.
@BestOfTheBruces
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
The real money was in offering the family a monthly subscription based service for saving the children. He clearly wasn't thinking about the ad revenue that would have generated.
@Schatten5744
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
How they kicked him out in the end 😂
@SunnyAquamarine2
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
I'm glad I didn't save the dog lmao
@r0cket_m00se
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Ferenginar af
@ashardalondragnipurake
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
i was on his side until he said that about the dog
@colechapman6976
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
He should return the children and get a refund
@FlowerBoots
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Heroes! Think of yourselves FIRST, for heaven's sake !!!
@Carl-p3l
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Strike
@ravenwolf7128
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Yeah, totally unamerican not to think of money first before any puny human life…..I wish this were total fiction…sigh.
@timmy3050
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
The View claims he has a white supremacist past.
@sparrow56able
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Remember when the onion was actually funny?
@userr1225
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Is he gonna pay for that water bottle? Or are my taxes going to?
@userr1225
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
See, this is why I don't help people
@montec6113
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
This is so close to reality, I have a feeling it might already happened somewhere
@pneudmatic
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
America in 2026.
@TarriPup
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
This is in America, right?
So… is this a parody sketch or is this real?
I can't honestly tell nowadays
@RodLonger
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Let's start a Go Chump Me.
@liesdamnlies3372
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Alright so how long do we have before this particular Onion satire becomes reality? My bet’s on three years.
@User_-_8472_-_resU
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
In 'Merica we all all hate each other right?!
@Leezofinn88
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
"Why would anyone do anything without profit incentive"
@DMVTransitFoamer
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
those land owners are so done for that house now breaks the HOA code
@donfolstar
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Trespassing, unwanted touching of children, and destruction of property – they need to throw the book at this menace.
@Mikey-mq2fw
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Guys let's not forget the real heroes: the health insurance CEOs who are going to destroy this dumbass with medical debt
@AK-jt7kh
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
Oh if only our firefighters were paid 😂
@351cleavland
October 6, 2026 at 1:07 am
What an IDIOT!!!
Comments are closed.