High School Tonys Honor Nation’s Drama Club Nerds
High school theater’s brightest stars gathered last night to see who would take home the coveted award for Most Awkward Kiss. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff In 11,680th Day
The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades.
China’s Andy Rooney Has Funny Opinions On How Great China Is
The curmudgeonly Poyuan Wei thinks the only thing wrong with the Chinese Government is that they are not tough enough on dissidents.
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
The MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams
Online universities and bible colleges will be among the thousands of teams vying to prove they are the best in the nation.
Scientists Find Skeleton Of Nature’s First Sexual Predator
Paleontologists believe the intact skeleton could shed light on the bizarre fetishes of this pervert dinosaur. For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
From the Onion Prison Channel: Prison analysts warn rising inflation could devalue everything from rim jobs to shivs.
More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas
A new Department of Labor report finds personal outsourcing is revolutionizing how Americans dont do their own work.
Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee
On Today Now!, Jim and Tracy meet James Kimura, a 12-year-old afflicted with the ability to spell long words normal kids don’t even care about. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
Congress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy.
