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The Psychology of Happiness and Feedback | Sheila Heen | Big Think

Big Think | January 21, 2026



The Psychology of Happiness and Feedback
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Sheila Heen, a Partner at Triad Consulting Group and a lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, explains the psychology behind feedback and criticism. Heen is co-author of “Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well.”
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SHEILA HEEN:

Sheila Heen is a Partner at Triad Consulting Group and a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School. She also teaches courses for executives and lawyers through Harvard’s Executive Education series. Through her consulting practice Sheila has worked with a wide variety of clients. In addition to corporate clients like Ford, Citigroup, IBM, Shell, DuPont and Merck she has also provided training for the Singapore Supreme Court, assisted Greek and Turkish Cypriots grappling with the conflict that divides their island, and worked with Requestors who talk to families about donating a loved one’s organs for the New England Organ Bank. Recently she spent time in Barrow, Alaska, with the Inupiat Board of Directors for the Arctic Slope Regional Corporation, who control the Arctic Slope and ANWAR. Sheila spent ten years with the Harvard Negotiation Project, developing negotiation theory and practice. She specializes in particularly difficult negotiations – where emotions run high and relationships become strained. Sheila is co-author, along with Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton, of the New York Times Business Bestseller, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (Penguin 2000).
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TRANSCRIPT:

Sheila Heen: If you look at the neuroscience, the way that we’re wired has a profound effect on how we hear and respond to feedback. Now, we took a look at three variables that are particularly important in terms of your reaction to feedback. The first is your baseline. In the literature this is called set point sometimes. It’s sort of a how happy or unhappy are you in the absence of other events in your life. Where’s that level that you come back to?

If it’s a scale of one to ten. Some people just live their lives at nine. They’re just so unbelievably happy and cheerful about everything, you know from like a cup of coffee to a promotion they’re just thrilled. This research comes from looking at lottery winners. A year later they’re about as happy or unhappy as they were before they won the lottery. And people who go to jail, a year later they’re about as happy or unhappy as before they went to jail. Now, the reason this matters for feedback, particularly if you have a low set point or baseline, positive feedback can be muffled for you. The volume is turned down; it’s harder for you to hear it.

Now, we look at the second variable, which is swing. When you get positive or negative feedback how far off your baseline does it knock you? The same piece of feedback can be devastating for one person and, you know, kind of annoying for another. And then the third variable is how long does it take you to come back to your baseline. How long do you sustain positive feeling or how long does it take you to recover from negative feeling. So taken together that’s where the big variation in sensitivity comes from that some people are extremely sensitive and other people are pretty insensitive, or maybe I should say even keel. But I suppose if you’re insensitive you don’t really care what I call you so it doesn’t matter.

Here’s why this is particularly important. There are two reasons. One is your own footprint or feedback profile, not only influences how you receive feedback, it also influences how you give feedback. So if you’re pretty even keel it could be that you’re more likely to be pretty direct or other people would describe you as harsh in your feedback because you think like this isn’t that big of deal; you’re overreacting to it. Other people who are very sensitive are likely to tiptoe around issues. And if they’re talking to someone who’s pretty even keel like they’re not even understanding that you’re giving them feedback. Like you have to be pretty direct to even get through to them.

The second reason it matters is that particularly if you swing negative it can actually distort your sense of the feedback itself and your sense of yourself. So in terms of distorting your sense of the feedback itself, it’s almost like it super sizes it. You know, one piece of feedback triggers sort of an overwhelming flood where the feedback itself overruns its borders. It’s not one thing it’s everything. It’s not now it’s forever. And you…

Read the full transcript at https://bigthink.com/videos/the-psychology-of-happiness-and-feedback

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Comments

This post currently has 50 comments.

  2. @dianthis

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    This makes sense, whether it’s accurate or not idk but my baseline since my teens has been about 5 or 6. I’ve come to accept after so many years (I’m 56 now) that this is just who I am and deal with it accordingly. Kinda sucks though because for the longest time I was adamant that I could be as happy as I was when I was younger.
    Yup, I’m a slow learner and will always keep learning.

  5. @dr.julianataylor4312

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    To keep it simple…acceptance open's your heart. If you have been very undermined and victimized by abusive or negative words…you may be too shut down to notice or be over-sensitive. Staying out of our head's, naturally opens our heart. Problem solved..less google more love! You are divine love and you will get to experience it…it is inevitable! It is your true identity!

  6. @stabgan

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    Here I am having money, gf , an awesome job and all the things I need. I can't think of a single thing I can buy because I have it all. I don't need anything more. But also I'm unhappy because I have no more ambitions and goals. I don't know what to fight for.

  13. @monstersince

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    psychology has no factual basis therefore its an opinion. by some bird who did law. i hope you received the feedback well i didnt click on the vlog give me a buck stuff as i am too busy

  16. @lisasays6174

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    I'm struggling to see how this approach maintains subjectivity in the feedback and what it does or doesn't represent. This video seems to imply that it's objective and can be taken to mean only one thing, without recognizing that one thing is nothing more than the opinion of whomever is giving the criticism. (And if anyone can explain how feedback is not a critique, please illuminate me. )

  24. @masterd6644

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    I hope they don't start psycho analyzing your Facebook that would suck is also the reason why in the future you better be a kind little nice little person because of you don't no jobs there anything is going to ever want you and your life is going to suck

  30. @thatunaniranjan378

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    Ok money does bring happiness to a degree, after that set point is reached money doesnt really matter. That number is around $75 000 a year but that can vary from person to person.

  32. @JarodBenowitz

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    What you say is great but what is the actual mechanism that causes this at the neuronal level? It is my hypothesis that how the neurons are connected isn't the only factor in how information is processed in the brain. There are neuronal sheaths that are folded throughout the brain. While this maximizes surface area it may also play another pivotal role in neural processes. Neurons that are not connected but are at a sufficient distance from each other may be activated by a residual electromagnetic wave produced from the ion channels opening and closing. In this manner the morphology and topology of the brain play a role.

  34. @tesscloset1740

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    Just enough, not to little , not to much, that helps with happiness too.
    It would make my day if you viewed my channel called Tess Closet,for free style advice for men and women

  39. @TheAktyagi

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    this is such bizarre timing for me because i'm so hung up on some negative feedback and realize that i need to just take it in and move on – thanks

  43. @__________3494

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    Guys you should seriously think about receiving salvation from hell!
    People all across the earth are sinners, and the penalty for sin is hell, but Jesus Christ will save those people who trust in him alone.
    Jesus is the perfect son of God, (Totally God and Man) who died on the cross for our sins, (the terrible things we do) was taken into a tomb, and rose again on the 3rd day.
    If you choose to have faith in him alone, he will give you eternal life and forgiveness of sins as a token of his love.

  44. @JungleJargon

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    The problem is that people can dish it out but they can't take it in return because they think of themselves as infallible so you have Professors and teachers thinking that objects made them, without being directed and you have astrophysicists thinking that time in the universe is measurable when all of time is an expansion of time from no time. You have a bunch of loonies running the asylum!

  45. @asmac7381

    January 21, 2026 at 4:30 am

    A truly representative sample group? Increased happiness is consistent when true financial wealth is introduced into the average income family for example. When financial struggle is alleviated happiness is increased. Common sense. To many assume that apparent "expert" opinion is always accurate. Our world of sheep.

Comments are closed.

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