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the desire to simply not exist

Sisyphus 55 | September 25, 2025



*This video was written quite a while ago and I don’t necessarily share these feelings anymore but hopefully someone out there can connect with these words

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EDITING: by Housecat

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKPZHZzvSPYvqyk-nFS9kDA

MUSIC

“This Is Not Effortless” by True Cuckoo

“Cocktail Hour” by Aaron Kenny

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Written by Sisyphus 55

Comments

This post currently has 45 comments.

  1. @vwayveron4839

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    idk if u can read this but i think this will be in ur recommended or maybe u already watched it. but i hope you stay for a lil bit longer. until we can't anymore. let's wait for it to happen. together. don't just leave me behind. i know how dreading it is to live, or maybe i dont. and maybe im being selfish for asking you to stay and just live for me. idk, im starting to hope again, that maybe there's sumth for us in there. in the future and it's not just coming yet. so please stay. let's see what's coming for us together, yea?

  2. @gailthou6387

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    I am crying. I am simply so tired of life.. I know that the ideation of wanting to not exist anymore is taboo and listening this stranger's voice was like saying it to me specifically saying, why not stick around and hang in there makes me burst in tears even more. Oh man

  3. @RichardMaier-i5w

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    Lord Jesus Christ I wish I was never born into this world system Satans facade John 14.30 the pleasure is not worth the pain nor the pain worth the pleasure Job and Jeremiah had same request the Lord's will not my will Ecclesiastes 7.1 4.2-3 why do you keep erasing this comment maybe because it is the truth and you don't want to hear the truth sad that is what Satan does hides the truth My Lord Jesus Christ please take me home

  4. @YuvarajJedheNEET

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    Read this clear:
    NON EXISTANCE IS SIMPLY IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE WANTS US TO FEEL THE BEAUTY OF THIS WORLD AND BY ESCAPING IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE,BY BEING IN NON-EXISTENCE YOU JUST DONT EXIST AND THAT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT A DEEP LEVEL,JUST IMAGINE A PERSON WHO DOES NOT EXIST THINKS I DONT WANT TO EXIST.😊,SO YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LIVE THIS EXPERIENCE ,BECAUSE NOT EXISTING IS JUST PURE REASON TO ESCAPE SADNESS,DEPRESSION,FEAR.

  6. @dorothybeveridge3133

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    I’m feeling i don’t want to live anymore . I’m all alone since loosing my husband last year & I feel I can’t go on . I feel a burden when I have to ask for help . I have an old dog so I can’t go & leave him . 😢

  8. @b1g_y1k3z

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    i wish i never had existed in the first place. but now that i have existed, i can’t just stop, no matter how much i want to. i’ve got people in my life that care about me, and although i feel as if im incapable of love, im not such a monster to wish pain and suffering on someone because of my loss. so i can’t just stop. but i can’t go on either. both options are negative. but if i had never existed in the first place, none of this will have happened. in fact, it probably would be a net positive for humanity, even if only a small one. the people who know me now won’t have to worry about my mental state. my mother won’t have to deal with her horrible, unloving child. i wish i could rewind time to before i was born and change even the smallest thing that would result in me not existing but everything else staying the same.

  9. @mahnoorfatima5761

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    I feel this feeling of not wanting to exist is more intense than to kill yourself… If you want to kill yourself, you know your loved ones would cry pver you… So, to an extent, you still care…. But wanting to vanish without leaving a trace of memory, in yourself, or in others… It's a lot more powerful and intense… It shows hopelessness like nothing else

  11. @yuinenene

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    I want to dissappear i shouldn't exist in the first place i don't belong to anywhere id like just to be a ghost or something except being a human but im scared of killing myself cuz im a fucking coward

  15. @z3r01nf1n1ty

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.

    Everything passes.

    That is the one and only thing that I have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.

    Everything passes.

    ― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

    This letter is my final goodbye. Life could have been better and beautiful if not for the traumas and burdens I’m bearing all alone. I tried to express myself to the people around me but they live in their denial, it can’t be fixed. Just like how this country, society, and world can’t be fixed because of these corrupt systems that makes everyone a cog in the machine to fit in their falsehood, so too the family system I am a part of. Many reforms have been tried throughout history but the problem is the system itself that perpetuates ignorance, denial, and darkness. Many times I became frustrated with this, many times I suffered, and so I became an outcast, a black sheep of this system and I am proud to be against this. However, I come to accept that humanity will continue to spiral downwards. My family system will continue its denial games, my society system will continue its crab mentality and degeneration, my country will continue to wallow to its own misery, and everyone around the world will continue towards their march to self-destruction and imprisonment, to dystopia. How I wish to disappear away from my current state. I really can't seem to decide committing suicide, but how I wish to escape. It's either running away from everyone, especially my family, or letting the heavens decide my fate to go like via lightning strike. Running away is going be a long ride and maybe much more bleak than letting nature take care of me. So I'll choose the latter. This is my salvation: not through lying to myself through a religious belief or political ideology or dogma or playing romance, but truly embracing the primal, ancient and raw fullness of nature. This is my prison break, my “Death to the World” last true rebellion. May this become my amor fati and help those like me in their isolation and estrangement from this modern world. I'm going back to my real home, to Mother Nature. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

    I remember home

    The Mother of Creation

    I return to her.

    ― “Nature Reunion”, a haiku about returning to Mother Nature

  20. @throwaway715

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    My Experience= Alive
    My Experience = Heaven
    My Experience = Hell
    My Experience = 0
    My Experience = Null
    My Experience = ?

    You can change your experience to all kinds of things. But you can never stop experiencing, therefore, you will always exist. You cannot undefine a defined variable in the universe, anymore than you can delete a word from existence. A word will always be a word. It can't be "deleted" from the universe. It can become "Extinct", but that is not the same as not existing.

    To suggest that one could simply "not experience", is frankly logically flawed and seems to suggest that

    My Experience = Null

    Is the only possible value, which is just as legitimate as

    My Experience = Only Euphoria All The Time

  21. @Yousifgxy7

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    well i just came here because my class mates hate me and when i asked them why they said because you just exist so yeah it maybe hard to listen to that but i hear it always im sorry if someone is sad from me yes i know im stupid but sorry i cant do anything

  22. @nkubitobence3170

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    The way I view this desire is less of a want to experience not existing. But the escape from the vile sensations life makes you experience. Even though not existing also steals away the pleasures of life, it all comes down to if you prefer to never feel pain and hurt even if it means trading of all pleasure and euphoria along with it.

    If you think wbout it such a state of mind is not regretable even, cause if you don't exist you don't even havevthe desire of regret or boredom any longer as the only exist among the living.

  23. @paulalaska1484

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    Maybe we desire the lack of existence because of a current failure to justify existing in the today . We philosophize death because we simply cannot conceptualize complete absence. We anticipate conclusion as we cling to every passing moment. We acknowledge that our meaning is infinite in its nothingness. We come from a void as we travel towards another, so we ask what the point really is. Or we don’t and forget that we are digits on a plain for a brief period and achieve life. It’s a paradoxical hypocrisy. we know that there is no reason, so we either kill ourselves or we advance into the same conclusion. Who’s to say that there is ultimately a difference?its Ironic how we feel anger or sadness for those who choose to take a shortcut, as if we won’t inevitably follow them.

  25. @Travis-y5j

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    I remember watching this video in quarantine when I was completely depressed and miserable. No joke it was one of the things that literally saved my life and also got me into philosophy

  27. @Ravs96

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    Idk how to interpret what i wanna say. The feelings i got from your video are simply immaculate, i cried so hard without realizing. I was so immersed in your talking i missed my coffee spilled on my hand and couldn't feel it until the video ended.
    Ig i should thank you for making me feel that way.

  28. @bigjuggz2808

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    Booo… tell me how many dead people you interviewed for the opinion that death and oblivion won't live up to the hype. Selling fell good, brain worm, snake oil – is still hoping the town's folk are too dumb to hear you packing up in the middle of the night. Next video better be you with a mic and and dead person or your just telling us what we should do as tax payers.

  36. @melanie-d2s

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    I resonate a lot with this video. This feeling for me is when I just stare out a window at the sky wondering what it would be like to be a cloud, looking down from a high altitude wondering what would happen if I jumped, or thinking about what it would be like if I hadn't been born in the first place. I honestly feel like for me my life feels repetitive. I'm starting to lose motivation in doing the things I love, not because I don't feel good enough at my hobbies rather I just don't have the energy to do them. I just feel so tired and what sucks is the fact that I think about wanting to sleep forever when I wake up.

  38. @ausral5499

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    if you think you know it can be better because you've already experienced it, if you stop existing you won't even know it can be better because you won't experience anything anymore

  39. @markmarcos7

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    I know its hard. And some people experience pain more than others. But i will say one things, also as a personal experience not just throwing it randomly.

    What i wanted to say is give your life to Jesus Christ. After you give your life to him your pain,sadness,fear of death,nothingness will be gone.
    It will happen little by little and over time not only you will be free by these chains of pain in this life but you will have hope for the other life as well.

    I know how you all feel. You feel tired and ask yourself why is this happening to me?

    But i was like this too but after i gave my life to Jesus everything changed. Not only i feel hope for myself but now i am strong enough to pray for others who are in pain too.

    Because Jesus gives you strength when you have a personal relationship with him.

    He brings us close to our father in heaven.

    Trust me all your pain,doubts,fears and every other negative and evil feeling and thought will be gone in time and if they come back it will have less power because Jesus will be with you and they will have no effect on you as before. " your future will be bright ☀️.

    "Cast all your burdens onto me, and i shall set you free" – Jesus Christ,verse from the bible 🙏

  40. @Jasterouge

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    The world tries to make you not exist. Humans take everything from you until you have nothing left. Then they try to take your humanity. Then comes the personal desire to not exist to escape the torture of living that life. To be able to just sleep and not have to wake up again to face all the problems that humans have caused you by stripping everything from you and making it impossibly difficult to live. You just want to peacefully not exist, but even that it so difficult because you have to be able to afford euthanasia which costs thousands and there is no guarantee that they will accept you. Even dying peacefully is made so difficult, so you are trapped in this existence, being tortured every day.

  42. @Neptune_boi

    September 25, 2025 at 4:42 am

    People who have near death experiences and Out of body experiences say that the other side feels much more real than “being alive. That what we call living is actually more like a dream world.

    Reality isn’t what you think it is. Everyone here can feel that on a fundamental level except “reality” tries to convince you to keep going. To keep you sedated from the truth.

Comments are closed.

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