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Greg Abbott: Everything You Didn’t Know About His Sh*tty Past

Hysteria | October 26, 2026



In our 50th episode of This F*cking Guy, Crooked’s Julia Claire joins Erin to dive deep into the past of the Lone Star Loser, Greg Abbott. From targeting minorities with “voter fraud” to his hypocritical support of tort reform, to handing out government grants to campaign donors, to his war on d*ldos and draconian abortion laws, this may be one of our most crooked guys, yet!

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CHAPTERS
0:00 – Intro
01:30 – Early life & education
06:07- Early career
09:26 – Interfering in lawsuits against Dr. Death
12:40 – Targeting minority groups with “voter fraud” as Attorney General of Texas
15:16 – Ad break
18:52 – More shenanigans and corruption as Attorney General of Texas
28:30 – Elected to Governor of Texas: Covid, grid failure, gun accessibility
32:46 – Ad break
34:24 – Border control, flash flood deaths failures in education, draconian abortion laws, sucking up to Trump, 2026 election
49:40 – Outro/matrix ratings

Sources: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RRIv3SwP1qqBxcZs2qT8ZJuJWwizq0qq3OL4A9IzZtk/edit?usp=sharing

For a transcript of an episode of Hysteria, please email transcripts@crooked.com.

Political commentator and comedy writer Erin Ryan and former White House Deputy Chief of Staff Alyssa Mastromonaco are joined by a bicoastal squad of funny, opinionated women to talk through everything from reproductive rights to romcoms. They break down the political news of the week, plus the topics, trends, and cultural stories that affect women’s lives. New episodes drop every Thursday. Get in touch: hysteria@crooked.com.

Photos courtesy of AP Photo Archive

Crooked Media believes that we need a better conversation about politics, culture, and the world around us—one that doesn’t just focus on what’s broken, but what we can do to fix it. We are a media network that showcases stories, voices, and opportunities for activism that inform, entertain, and inspire action, because it’s up to all of us to do our part to build a better world.

That’s it. End of mission.

Learn more about us at crooked.com

Written by Hysteria

Comments

This post currently has 49 comments.

  1. @crippletron6

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    When I was at the University of Texas in 2016, there was a student protest called "Cocks, not Glocks" where we all carried around dildos to show the absurdity of how Texas passed a Campus Carry Law, which made it legal to carry a gun on campus, but how it was still against the law to openly carry sex toys (violation of state obscenity laws).

  2. @AlerieHightower

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    Abbott, Paxton, Patrick and their ilk have presided over a Texas that ranks 34th in education, and dead fucking last in personal freedom. But hey, data centers can run rampant, and anyone can have an arsenal, so… yeah. This Texan is SICK OF IT.

  3. @remylefevour

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    I live in the same neighborhood as his father in law. During snowmageddon we all lost power except his house. It was infuriating to the residents. While a frail elderly man needing heating and power was important at the time, we could say Abbott could’ve avoided literally any frail elderly folks from losing power if he didn’t suck so hard.

  4. @crossthreaded6867

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    This whole video makes the last few Democratic gubernatorial campaigns against Abbot really infuriating. One in particular had some nobody sign up to run at the last minute and run a nothing campaign to soak up donation money. Abbot is a corrupt little freak and is beatable, but most of the people who run against him don't often seem serious about trying.

  5. @hot_potato_4life

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    I am a liberal in Texas who has (so far) lived through the reign of Perry and abbot and I feel I can say – f them both with a weed Wacker. If Texas actually goes blue and we can get rid of 1 or both of them, I will cry big fat tears of joy.

  6. @theswiv

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    36:39 errr what now?!

    He does know people can hear him right?
    It's not that he personifies the Peter Principal. It's that he continues to be successful when it has been so obvious for so long.

  7. @TheWanderingFinnegan

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    19:00 – regarding sex toys… I believe that it's still illegal in Texas to OWN more than five. I was politically active in Texas for a time, in around 2008 – 2010 (I don't remember exactly), one of the absurd laws we were trying to get repealed.

  8. @CJPrice2070

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    47:20 That's me, I'm one of that percentage without insurance. I used to live elsewhere. I used to qualify for state health insurance. I no longer qualify for anything, and cannot afford anything. I haven't been to any medical professional in over a year. I will be fighting to try and make it better here while I am made to live here, but right now, it sucks.

  9. @carriecaillot5765

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THE TEXAS POWER GRID!!!! this is the biggest piece of BS that the other 49 states have to put up with when it comes to Texas! Texas refuses to join the national electric grid and wants their electric prices below national average…The federal government is constantly paying to repair the Texas grid all while this state REFUSES to upgrade their grid OR join the national grid… total clown show

  10. @WILLIAMFinseth-j3q

    October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm

    I think you called it: Greg Abbott was a Fucking Guy with a shitty track record, surprising that he passed legislation that limited the amount that individuals could sue institutions and doctors for malpractice after he managed to get when of the biggest settlements for negligence.

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