Greg Abbott: Everything You Didn’t Know About His Sh*tty Past
In our 50th episode of This F*cking Guy, Crooked’s Julia Claire joins Erin to dive deep into the past of the Lone Star Loser, Greg Abbott. From targeting minorities with “voter fraud” to his hypocritical support of tort reform, to handing out government grants to campaign donors, to his war on d*ldos and draconian abortion laws, this may be one of our most crooked guys, yet!
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CHAPTERS
0:00 – Intro
01:30 – Early life & education
06:07- Early career
09:26 – Interfering in lawsuits against Dr. Death
12:40 – Targeting minority groups with “voter fraud” as Attorney General of Texas
15:16 – Ad break
18:52 – More shenanigans and corruption as Attorney General of Texas
28:30 – Elected to Governor of Texas: Covid, grid failure, gun accessibility
32:46 – Ad break
34:24 – Border control, flash flood deaths failures in education, draconian abortion laws, sucking up to Trump, 2026 election
49:40 – Outro/matrix ratings
Sources: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RRIv3SwP1qqBxcZs2qT8ZJuJWwizq0qq3OL4A9IzZtk/edit?usp=sharing
For a transcript of an episode of Hysteria, please email transcripts@crooked.com.
Political commentator and comedy writer Erin Ryan and former White House Deputy Chief of Staff Alyssa Mastromonaco are joined by a bicoastal squad of funny, opinionated women to talk through everything from reproductive rights to romcoms. They break down the political news of the week, plus the topics, trends, and cultural stories that affect women’s lives. New episodes drop every Thursday. Get in touch: hysteria@crooked.com.
Photos courtesy of AP Photo Archive
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@crippletron6
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
When I was at the University of Texas in 2016, there was a student protest called "Cocks, not Glocks" where we all carried around dildos to show the absurdity of how Texas passed a Campus Carry Law, which made it legal to carry a gun on campus, but how it was still against the law to openly carry sex toys (violation of state obscenity laws).
@tomtomorrow05
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
40 kids in a graduating class?? are you 120 years old or what?
@Sam-r2m2b
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Sounds like the govt of the state of florida.
@TheLoneProphet
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
The Abbott slander is well deserved. Keep my Longhorns name out yo’ mouth! Go Blue Wave!!!
@JV-rx3ov
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Greg Abbott makes me believe in the power of nature's karma. #TeamTree
@AlerieHightower
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Abbott, Paxton, Patrick and their ilk have presided over a Texas that ranks 34th in education, and dead fucking last in personal freedom. But hey, data centers can run rampant, and anyone can have an arsenal, so… yeah. This Texan is SICK OF IT.
@RobertoAguilera-i4h
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I voted for Gina Hinojosa!!!! Great information on your part and a stronger message to keep Abbott out of the Governor’s office. And also voted for Talarico
@meekyh1275
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Errin, the grey streaks, are gorgeous.
@jonathanpinson8675
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
They are all such hypocrites! I wonder if there are as many democratic hypocrites?
@NaturalRagman
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Julia is a beautiful lady. 🤩
@floydhargrove7406
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Fake news. Abbot cant dance. He is a hot wheels car.
@fluffgooberball675
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I voted for hinajosa let's hope the rest Texas did
@KeithHenson
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I’m surprised they didn’t ban cucumbers
@cindymoats5277
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
As a Texan who hates Greg Abbot with all of my being, thank you for letting everyone know what a corrupt piece of garbage he is!
@robertmccarthy2254
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
wheelchairs have FOUR wheels
@remylefevour
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I live in the same neighborhood as his father in law. During snowmageddon we all lost power except his house. It was infuriating to the residents. While a frail elderly man needing heating and power was important at the time, we could say Abbott could’ve avoided literally any frail elderly folks from losing power if he didn’t suck so hard.
@crossthreaded6867
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
This whole video makes the last few Democratic gubernatorial campaigns against Abbot really infuriating. One in particular had some nobody sign up to run at the last minute and run a nothing campaign to soak up donation money. Abbot is a corrupt little freak and is beatable, but most of the people who run against him don't often seem serious about trying.
@hot_potato_4life
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I am a liberal in Texas who has (so far) lived through the reign of Perry and abbot and I feel I can say – f them both with a weed Wacker. If Texas actually goes blue and we can get rid of 1 or both of them, I will cry big fat tears of joy.
@davidwilliams1086
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
How about do a story on who's funding the lieing, and fear mongering adds about Talerico supporting variouse gay and abti chiildren adds.
@davidwilliams1086
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Ken Paxton has pursued women to other states who needed lifesaving medical care for non viable pregnancy.
@davidwilliams1086
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Women die carrying non viable, fetuses, babies or what ever they are.not is the baby not. Orn but the moyter dies too or left sterial.
@davidwilliams1086
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Abbott needs to go. He also turned down FREE federal money for a early warning system that could have warned, and saved lives on the river that flooded a kids camp.
@jordyncarter9649
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
38:19 I’m a Pennsylvanian, I can’t believe this is the first I’m hearing about this Yass-hole
@rocrater100
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Go Gina!
@dmarchesiello1
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
When the midterm elections is over I hope there are not one Republicans left in our Federal Government or State Governors. That would MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
@davidwilliams1086
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Voters should have been looking at Abbotts behaviors long before now.
@LuvPureCom
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
WOW! I already thought Abbott was a POS, and most likely a sociopath/psychopath.
Somehow this video made me like him even less. 😯
@theswiv
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
36:39 errr what now?!
He does know people can hear him right?
It's not that he personifies the Peter Principal. It's that he continues to be successful when it has been so obvious for so long.
@monicakelly9622
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Love it! Outrageous on abortion issues! I hope.Texans are listening
@BrendaStark-t3d
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
WTF! The kids that died in the flood and their grieving parents are the losers and Texas only cares about Friday night football games and not preventable deaths of losers? WTF!
@gilbertmartinez90876
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
F Abbott.
@davidwilliams1086
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I know people who marrid the opposite sex. It wasnt a happy marraige. It was a completly horrible idea.
@gagehorton3828
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
While you're on the subject of Texas, do an episode on Lt. Governor Danny Goeb
@davidwilliams1086
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
abbott cant dance.
@stevebutler2449
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
FDR used a wheelchair while Governor of NY.
@Padq
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Is it true he has his own personal militia with impunity paid for by taxes
@chrisray1567
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Did Greg Abbott return all the money over $250,000 he got from his personal injury settlement?
@donquique1
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Why didnt the tree finish the job.
@TheWanderingFinnegan
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
19:00 – regarding sex toys… I believe that it's still illegal in Texas to OWN more than five. I was politically active in Texas for a time, in around 2008 – 2010 (I don't remember exactly), one of the absurd laws we were trying to get repealed.
@kimmyb6224
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Awesome show! I would love to see a future edition covering John Fetterman.
@chrisray1567
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I kept waiting for Yass-hole after 38:05 but it never came. 😕
@bikesbarksandbooks
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Texan here. I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!!! I voted for Gina and James with my fingers crossed and my expectations…managed. It sucks here.
@EdwardHendren
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
If that is the Texas legislature, then I am even more impressed with their ability to sort by color. No wonder Abbot didn't think that Black lives matter.
@CJPrice2070
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
47:20 That's me, I'm one of that percentage without insurance. I used to live elsewhere. I used to qualify for state health insurance. I no longer qualify for anything, and cannot afford anything. I haven't been to any medical professional in over a year. I will be fighting to try and make it better here while I am made to live here, but right now, it sucks.
@a.devereaux7143
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
41:49 water-balloon, middle of room.
@KatherineAlfaro-l3d
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
Ladies continue to do what you do, on bringing out the truth of these corrupt politicians. Thank you! 😊
@carriecaillot5765
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THE TEXAS POWER GRID!!!! this is the biggest piece of BS that the other 49 states have to put up with when it comes to Texas! Texas refuses to join the national electric grid and wants their electric prices below national average…The federal government is constantly paying to repair the Texas grid all while this state REFUSES to upgrade their grid OR join the national grid… total clown show
@WILLIAMFinseth-j3q
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I think you called it: Greg Abbott was a Fucking Guy with a shitty track record, surprising that he passed legislation that limited the amount that individuals could sue institutions and doctors for malpractice after he managed to get when of the biggest settlements for negligence.
@FG9877
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 pm
I call him windsock Abbott.