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Benjamin Tod, “Dark Before the Dawn,” // GemsOnVHS™

GemsOnVHS | January 30, 2026



About this song, Benjamin had this to say;

“This song in a lot of ways is about my never ending struggle with bipolar disorder and addiction. It also encompasses a battle with delusions everyone seems to live with. In that I believe it is relatable to most people who have self doubt, anxiety, depression and manic tendencies.

In the back of my mind there is always that underlying question of whether this life is worth it. There is always an unsureness of whether we are winning the war as a human race. Our better angels seem to believe that we are and that good can prevail through the suffering and turmoil. Our demons insist that the battle is already lost and that the determination of evil historically will prevail.

Nihilism is a dangerous drug and it consumes many corners of our society. It is ungrateful, resentful and it is always the easier path. Righteousness is nuanced, appreciative and requires real wisdom in order to balance the axis of justice and mercy. Righteousness requires a ton of work and often a little bit of luck to prevail.

Sometimes fate plays its hand and we lose even with the best of intentions. Sometimes there are no answers or solutions for the tragedy of life. I have for most of my time here allowed that darkness to devour me and it almost won. I am very fortunate to be here and I don’t take that responsibility lightly.

We must stand and fight. We must, begrudgingly at times, believe in an ideal vision for humanity. This life may be sad, but it is always beautiful.

-Benjamin Tod

I dedicate this song to the memory of Luke Bell.”

In this episode, we ramble on down to my friends Benjamin Tod and Ashley Mae’s little slice of paradise in Kentucky, to hang out in a big field with their work truck and new puppy. Truth be told, i’ve never seen Ben happier than he is now, getting his hands dirty building something bigger he can call his own. Its almost like he is a family man now, but instead of kids his family is a bunch of animals, piles of dirt, a couple big loud trucks and Ashley. Good for him. They are building the Muhlenberg Music Mission for the kids, of course. (https://www.muhlenbergmusicmission.org/)

The band, Lost Dog street band, recently announced a little hiatus from the hard knock life of touring. Again, good for them. They spend more than half the year on the road playing shows, and have for years. Each time, they can’t wait to get back to the chickens, to the cabin, to the little daily work of building a life rooted in the land. Who can blame them? That is what’s real after all. Not social media, likes, comments, views, show business and the like. At the end, you have the songs and what you’ve built for yourself. I know they love their fans, but they love their chickens and tomatoes too. I just hope they continue to find peace and salvation. Maybe even host a couple good cookouts at their house. I’ll be there, buddy!

Pre-order Benjamin’s new album, “Songs I Swore I’d Never Sing”;
https://anticorpmusic.com/collections/lost-dog-street-band/products/album-benjamin-tod-songs-i-swore-id-never-sing-vinyl-lp-cd

Our undying love and gratitude go to our executive producers for making this project possible: Brad Sirois, Mitchell Davis, Keith McQuillan, David Jameson, Lisa Galvan, Irvin Maddox, Josh Collins, Brady Jones, Julie Nestoroff, VJ Arizpe.

Consider becoming a Patreon contributor to help sustain this project. For the price of a cup of coffee every month, you let us continue finding and filming amazing artists.
https://www.patreon.com/gemsonvhs

GemsOnVHS is a long running series of intimate, off-stage performances by songwriters we love.
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Written by GemsOnVHS

Comments

This post currently has 38 comments.

  6. @adamd.7527

    January 30, 2026 at 11:44 pm

    Ben, I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I hope you do.
    I discovered your music around 2019. I was going through some of the darkest days of my entire life, having lost a child in 2018. Your music was like a balm to my broken heart. I dealt with alcoholism, depression, and suicidal behavior. Your music and my faith in God got me through the darkness, into therapy, and sober.
    Keep up what you're doing, brother!

  10. @drfiting38

    January 30, 2026 at 11:44 pm

    If I could shake your hand one day it would probably end with a punch of happiness. Not to only meet u but so proud of the movement from the dark addiction

  14. @potatonots

    January 30, 2026 at 11:44 pm

    Each time I stumble on a song of Benjamin Todd’s I can’t help but listen to it back to back over and over again. Think I listened to this over 50 times today while at work and after 😅 Amazing song!

  29. @NightSky018

    January 30, 2026 at 11:44 pm

    Ben I hope you see this message – I've been trudging through hell and back and back again the last year or so. Company I work for is falling apart, getting less and less hours this past year, I got my second kid due in 10 days, approaching the utterest depths of poverty. Some health issues kind of limit me on my work options or I would have made a change much sooner. But this past week or so, it became apparent to me that my only option was to start my own business back up and now it's just a race against the clock to get up and running before everything comes crashing down.

    I'm overwhelmed in ways I didn't know were possible and that's saying something cause I was overwhelmed last year before I had a second kid on the way, when my hours were just starting to fall off and the bills started piling up.

    But the point is, I have always found strength and solace in your music and now, when I really need it the most, I really can't convey just how much you are helping me get through these times. Especially with this song. While I am stressed out, the prospect of finding success in my business, a new start, and finally being able to properly provide for my family again, and not living in fear of the utility companies showing up at my door or the threatening calls from my landlord – that hope is what keeps me going. And your music, and again, especially this song, helps me to stay on that side of the road and not the other side where my mind starts telling me it's impossible and I can't pull it off. I listen to this song every morning on my way to work for the umpteenth day in a row when I just wanna shut down and I "think of my entire life as a whole, and what it might mean if I ever get back in control".

    So anyway, sorry for such an absurdly long comment but I just wanted you to know the kind of situations, the truly dire situations, that you have found the power, through your music and your being, to help people through. You are so much more than a musician. While you were obviously put on this planet to make amazing music, I think your true purpose is you were put here to help people and save lives. And as one of those people, I just want to say thank you, from the deepest part of who I am, thank you for your beautiful words and for being who you are. I hope you are doing well, better than well, and I hope you are enjoying all the happiness you deserve.

  30. @Magnoleeus

    January 30, 2026 at 11:44 pm

    This song has changed my life. Been fighting alcohol for years. Living like a tramp. Hopping trains/hitching. Close to a month sober. Thank you Benjamin.

  31. @markwilliams1579

    January 30, 2026 at 11:44 pm

    Mr. Todd ;
    I really do like you and I've shared you with others, I understand you've had a hard passed and now your trying to live a new clean sober life.that not easy but it really would be nice to hear you sing something other than your troubles with your life. Get out of that rut and write songs other than that.

  34. @Timtk-h7u

    January 30, 2026 at 11:44 pm

    His lyrics prove that religion is not necessary for redemption and change. It comes from within, but religious folks are spiteful when you can do it yourself, without relying on an imaginary sky wizard

Comments are closed.

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