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KUDZU : KUDZU LIFE

When You Have to Open an Expensive Bottle of Wine

Drew Talbert | April 19, 2026



Based on personal experiences. Basically, I’m Aaron. Help.

Co-write with Andrea Kelley

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Outro Song: “Tired of Waiting” by Hallman

Written by Drew Talbert

Comments

This post currently has 36 comments.

  1. @Kristin-z9e9h

    April 19, 2026 at 8:52 am

    So….I had to open a bottle of le Krug…for idina menzel's twin sister. She is a kindergartner teacher and published a book the year after her sister sang "Let it Go" at the Oscars (for Frozen). If that wasn't pressure, I dont know what is. I had to distract them so much. "So talk about you and dont watch me open up this 500 dollar bottle of champagne. At the time, it was the most expensive bottle I ever opened

  2. @drewd9985

    April 19, 2026 at 8:52 am

    Move the bottle as little as possible, especially avoiding tipping it from side-to-side. Place it in a silver basket lined with a white serviettes with the label up and set it on the table facing the client who ordered the wine (or brought it in) so he/she can read it. Make sure that the bottle is propped up enough that it won't lose its contents as you open it. Use an upturned plate to aid the elevation. The foil on these expensive French wines is usually thicker and more sturdy than on regular bottles. Make an incision in the foil vertically from the bottom and over the collar so that the foil can be removed without deforming its overall shape. Do not cut the foil around the bottle under the collarr. Do all this with minimum movement of the bottle so as to avoid disturbing the lees. Carefully put the corkscrew into the cork. Spongy corks are more rare than dry corks. Dry corks are a far greater risk of problems – they can shatter into many little pieces and fall into the wine or they can stick to the sides and break in half with some small pieces as you try to extract it. Make sure you put the corkscrew deeply into the cork – only going halfway puts great risk on the cork breaking. Carefully and slowly extract the cork using the two-step system of your professional limonadier bottle opener with the hinge between the two steps – the two-step system provides a more vertical leverage and allows the waiter/sommelier to sense how the cork is responding to pressure. After extraction, and without touching the wet end of the cork, remove it from the corkscrew and present it to the principle client to smell. Check for their approval. Then slowly and carefully, without tipping the bottle much, effectively pouring from only the top layer of wine, decant the wine. Make sure that you can see through the bottle with a light source behind so you can observe when the lees starts moving up the bottle to the shoulder. You want to maximise wine extraction without any lees in it. Stop decanting when you see the lees is in the shoulder and is at risk of being poured into the decanter. With a grand, old Bordeaux, the wine should probably be left to breathe and open up for about an hour. Place the effectively empty bottle, still in its basket, back on the table. Place the cork into the basket, preferably next to the label, where it can be seen and re-examined, if necessary. Take the foil and place it back on the wine, with the cut on the underside, and press the foil to make it appear the wine has not been opened (i.e. best presentation possible for such an expensive wine). That is the high-end wine opening ritual. Of course, this whole ritual isn't necessary, but not moving the bottle in a way that disturbs the lees, avoiding pouring the lees out of the bottle, and letting it breathe before drinking so that it is in its best and most appreciable state are probably the most important elements.
    It was a bit bs forcing Aaron to do it, especially by the manager, who should be more aware of how much failing at this would damage the image of the restaurant.

  3. @MegaKaitouKID1412

    April 19, 2026 at 8:52 am

    As a worker, I'd be approaching the manager with the point that handling something that expensive that belongs to the customer is just too much risk for someone at my level of pay and responsibility, and if the manager doesn't want to take that burden either, just be honest with the customer that you aren't able to handle something that expensive that's not insured by the restaurant. Get them a free app or desert for the trouble, and if serving laws allow you to then let them open it themselves.

    I can't even blame Brad and Nichole for refusing to help because they probably had the same thought of "omg that thing is so expensive I have to avoid handling that in case I break it."

    I can also see this 100% being an attempt at a scam– if a waiter breaks your bottle that you claim is worth 2k, that restaurant is sure going to be comping you for the trouble. So fake a bottle well enough to fool a server, go to a restaurant and figure out if you have a generally anxious or new server, pull out the bottle if they are. Hype up its value to get them nervous, talk to them like you think they're going to break it as they handle it to really get them even more nervous, and if everything works out they'll drop it and then, bam, free meal. Not an easy scam necessarily, but if it fails then you order yourself something you can afford and drink the wine, and if it succeeds then you order whatever you want on this meal and can also demand more compensation to get a few hundred dollars in gift cards.

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