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Robert Thurman: Love Your Enemy | Big Think

Big Think | March 4, 2026



Robert Thurman: Love Your Enemy
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Lovingkindness, Thurman says, is not an abstract idea but rater a practice that allows us to appreciate that everyone, including our enemies, want to be happy. And so instead of reflexively categorizing people as bad and wasting our energy by fighting them, we can elevate kindness and compassion “as the strengths they really are.”

Thurman explains how the concept of “love your enemies” is sometimes difficult to understand in a modern setting. “People get nervous about it because they think if you love your enemies it means you’re going to cave to them, you’re going to be a martyr, you’re going to invite them to come and destroy you and just be a masochist and so forth,” he says.

However, that is not what love means.

“You can have fierce compassion,” Thurman says, pointing to the example of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who told his followers during a Civil Rights march in Birmingham that hatred was “a ridiculous waste of our energy.”

“If you go around nursing hatred and vindictiveness” and how to get back at your enemy, Thurman says, “you’re hurting yourself.”
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Robert Thurman :

Robert Thurman is Professor of Indo-Tibetan Buddhist Studies in the Department of Religion at Columbia University, President of Tibet House US, a non-profit organization dedicated to the preservation and promotion of Tibetan civilization, and President of the American Institute of Buddhist Studies. The New York Times recently hailed him as “the leading American expert on Tibetan Buddhism.”

The first American to have been ordained a Tibetan Buddhist monk and a personal friend of the Dalai Lama for over 40 years, Professor Thurman is a passionate advocate and spokesperson for the truth regarding the current Tibet-China situation and the human rights violations suffered by the Tibetan people under Chinese rule. His commitment to finding a peaceful, win-win solution for Tibet and China inspired him to write his latest book, Why the Dalai Lama Matters: His Act of Truth as the Solution for China, Tibet and the World, published in June of 2008.

Professor Thurman also translates important Tibetan and Sanskrit philosophical writings and lectures and writes on Buddhism, particularly Tibetan Buddhism; on Asian history, particularly the history of the monastic institution in the Asian civilization; and on critical philosophy, with a focus on the dialogue between the material and inner sciences of the world’s religious traditions.
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TRANSCRIPT:

The Buddhist psychology tradition, in particular, and the Asian psychologies in general and actually the ancient Christian monastic psychologies do have a strong theory and a strong practice really of overcoming bitterness, hatred, resentment, vengefulness and so forth. Carrying a little further from Moses’s already restraining idea of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. In other words, you don’t take a leg or a life for an eye, you know. Or a life for a tooth, you know, just another tooth. Which was already a step forward from the old vengeance idea of tribal attitude. And Jesus’s and Buddha’s greater idea of really love your enemies and how to unpack that in a modern setting. And people get nervous about it because they think if you love your enemies it means you’re gonna cave to them, you’re gonna be a martyr, you’re gonna invite them to come and destroy you and just be a masochist and so forth. And that is not at all what it means. Love means in the Asian psychological term and I think really in any term it means the wish for the beloved happiness. To want to make the one you love happy. That’s what love really is. It isn’t really greed and wish to possess although some kinds of love tend to mix with that of the egotistical person. The reason someone is your enemy is they think you’re preventing their happiness. Somehow you have something they want, you’re in their way, whatever it is, the world isn’t big enough for the both of you type of attitude. And so they’re gonna be your enemy because they’re unhappy and they think by getting rid of you they’ll be happy. So if they were happy already without messing with you they might be wanting to leave you alone because it’s no fun to go attack people. It’s like, it’s an exercise, you know. It’s not like you are giving a caress or receiving one.

Read the full transcript at https://bigthink.com/videos/robert-thurman-love-your-enemy/

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Comments

This post currently has 48 comments.

  2. @josefarrington

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    2:50 When your enemies sense that you are opposing them for their betterment, they are more likely to listen to you and cooperate with you. I think a corollary to this idea, is that when you think about the betterment of your enemy, you are acting like their "father". This can mentally put you in mentally superior position(Like when a father corrects his child). Now it is important to also think about the betterment of your enemy, without sounding condescending.

  6. @karenhall7396

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    Thanks Prof Thurman – sometimes painful feelings can reawaken so strongly that it is difficult to remember this teaching. I appreciate your wise reminder.

  10. @AikiNickAMV2

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    It is quite sad to see so many people react so negatively to this. What Jesus and Buddha said was not proposed in the name of efficiency or utilitarianism, but simply because it's right! It's wrong to hate people and it's right to love people, even if they wish your death. Surely, it is very difficult and at times we do need to hurt our enemies, when we have no other choice. But the entire idea is loving every other person and be upset about their misdoings as you would be about your own. Convincing ourselves that this level of righteousness and forgiveness is unachievable is simply not good enough…

  12. @samfoster9888

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    Why not just be apathetic towards your enemy? Why not just be civilized?  Love is too loaded and depending on who your enemy is, can actually enable them. 

  14. @mathew633man

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    he misunderstands the Christianity doctrine.. 'an eye for an eye' punishment was from the Mosaic laws that governed the Jewish society. it doesn't mean that individuals should hate their enemy. but it was a formal punishment for law-breakers because it was the law.
    When Jesus Christ said 'turn the other cheek', it has a symbolic meaning of how individuals should treat each other. but it's not about the law itself. He never said the previous Mosaic laws are now invalid. He never said the laws or the punishments were wrong. The laws were enforced by the government, not individuals. it means that although government can punish sinners, individual person should still love and care for the enemy.
    Also, the Christian meaning 'love' is completely different from the 'emotional' form of love. the 'love' in Christianity is actually doing something good for someone other than yourself. It doesn't mean that you should love your enemy like you have feelings for him. It means that even if you hate him emotionally, you should still embrace him and help him if he's in trouble. if your enemy is thirsty, give him water. if your enemy asks you to walk 10 miles with him, walk 30 miles.
    'love' in Christianity is not emotional one, but it's a sacrificial one that requires action.

  17. @Calyptico

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    Ugh.
    Let's repeat the trusted flaw in these concepts: "Utopian ethics don't work in the real world because the real world isn't utopian. That's why you use ethics to try and come as close to that utopian state of the world as possible starting from the real world, instead of presupposing that utopian state and working backwards."

  18. @WuKingdom1

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    I'm black. I'm not about to start "loving" every single racist person on this planet in an effort to abolish racism because in some cases it could be dangerous. Plus I highly doubt that they would be willing to ignore their customs. And just because I don't agree with their opinions on race, doesn't mean I hate them. 

    But I agree with everything else that was mentioned

  19. @theas2179

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    This should be fairly standard philosophy. It's no mystery that compassion for everyone improves not only your own quality of life, but that of those who are affected by it. I believe that hatred can be useful because it's a powerful motivator, but at the same time it should never be directed towards another person. Rather, it should be directed towards an idea, if it is necessary.

    Hopefully, hatred will be abandoned because it is made obsolete by respect. 

  22. @neway20045

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    This gentleman strikes me as someone that thinks you can love someone (your enemy) into changing – into transforming into a good person. This is nothing more than wishful-thinking masquerading as wisdom. for example the late OBL wanted Americans dead – the more the better. Love was not going to stop him – not anyone's love. JGSF

  32. @originofnoise

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    The saying itself should really be changed in order to mean what the guy is saying. Otherwise we'd need a few minutes to explain it like he did, before we actually use it. Completely umpractical.

  33. @Bjarkenb

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    What goes around comes around. If you decide someone deserves a punch in the face, someone will decide that you deserve the same. It might be the one you punched, or it might not be, but violence must always be reserved for when every other means of reasoning has failed – walking away included.

  37. @SuperHeroAnim-d2d

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    Very strong words, I was actually about to reply to some obvious users with that whole "race superiority" ordeal. But, after giving this guys words some thought I decided not to, essentially in the end they(The "Enemy") can never be "beaten" because most of them are actually just trolls, who like alot of us realize only want to be the menacing "enemy" forever. There's definitely some needed thought appon this type of thinking though, he's correct in that constantly pondering over your "enemy" does in fact, damage you, mentally and in some cases physically. Maybe we can actually love our enemies while at the same time opposing them, think about it, you also need them to help you mature in so many ways. 

  42. @MODredxking

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    i like that end part, make your enemy see reason through fierce compasion. If someone is talking shit and ruining your relationships with friends, you dont try and fight them or do the same thing they do, you try and make them see reason, make them see that they are wasting energy and time on hate which is pointless. haha struck home for a situation with me

  43. @houloudini

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    Jesus said love your enemy with the idea in mind that love is going to be the most important factor to survive the end of the world; Armageddon, gods war to end war. Loving your enemy is imitating your Heavenly Father Jehovah which is needed for peace in the new world to last. God will deal with those hating you. That's why Jesus and the apostles could die without putting up a fight because they new that god would handle the wicked men of the world.

    May Jah have mercy on all of mankind. Some will not submit to his will, others will. In fact his kingdom is functioning right now with the goal of helping people understand and live by love but soon it's going to act as a judge of the world with Christ as the judge and king to remove all these other governments from the face of the planet for the greater good of all mankind.

  44. @RespectFalseIcons

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    i wonder how the philosophy would apply on an international level? what if nation x were to "love" nation y after they've been bombed? or what if the enemy seeks to exploit that "love" you have for them and use it to hurt you further?

    imo, peace and love is always the first and optimal solution, but sometimes, extreme measures cold be justified

  46. @Fylgija1

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    "Make them see reason."

    Anybody chime in: how many times has that worked for you with someone who wants to harm you for personal gain or gratification? This is the kind of BS they pushed on us in school and succeeded only in raising a generation of victims and victimizers. 

  48. @TheOneSpam

    March 4, 2026 at 7:36 pm

    This was just what I needed to hear at just the right time! I thank you for posting this video and hope everyone can take something from it!

Comments are closed.

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