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Problems with Pursuing Sex

T1J | August 15, 2025



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Written by T1J

Comments

This post currently has 44 comments.

  2. @MorelloZzT7

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I want to be upfront about this and get this off my chest. Ohio University was a school where getting laid was the hot and rewarding thing to do when you partied. To me, it was a waste of my time and energy, It will be a waste of time for any other guy if you constantly expect it to happen. Trust me. Acquiring sex is stupid, all the while a waste fucking time. It really took me a while to realize being in "party social circles" were not for me. To hell with that and back. I am glad I have that in the past. Do you wonder if I have ever been in relationship before? NO I have and always been single since High School. Any girl that I've come across to has never really took an interest in me, even if I was being myself. Being single is not all that bad until others belittle you for being yourself. Look for relationships. Not Sexual ones/Sexual Intercourse. It will really be rewarding in the future.
    My background is very bland and boring. It's hard for me to get out of my anti-social, social anxiety traps that I feel and it will take some time. I'm too afraid to talk to other women because I struggle with insecurities about myself and I also struggle with confidence in communicating with woman/women. Often times, I think thoughts like am I good enough for her? Am I really interesting enough for these women to talk to me? I want to have conservations, both civil and mutually respectful, BUT all the while have friends (quite possibly that one girlfriend) that I can be with knowing they can help me grow.

  3. @Thelearninghobbias

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I have basically fake-sworn sex off. I wouldn’t refuse it but it’s gonna have to quite literally fall into my lap. I’m gonna play dumb about advances right up to conception. That’s because dumb is there, socially, and I can cast it in a light that makes me look like I’m a doofus with less than admirable intent, or I can be cute.

    My cats need my constant attention, food, I need to physically gather and dispose of their shit. They need things from me, and therefore they must ask me for them.

    I need a lot of passes for not understanding social things, I need people to work with me. It takes a bit of effort, depending on the day, which is a bit euphemistic as I can be quite awkward. I can be a bit much; an “acquired taste”, as my mother put it. So, as I am kind of “asking for something” from other people, I have to make it an appealing experience to give me what I need, if I am to find anyone that will in fact give to me in this way. Cue the notes from our domesticated friends.

    Identifying behaviors that other people respond well to is something we all do, but sometimes men especially forget the importance, specifically, of cute behaviors. You don’t need to “be cute” or bubbly or something, but showing vulnerabilities, like in my case, not having a fucking clue, is inevitable. Don’t present it poorly. Be cute. My cats will inevitably get hungry before I feed them with some regularity. They need to be able to be both annoying AND desirable to keep around – otherwise there’s no way to signal for food, or there’s no owner to signal. This dynamic is unbalanced and should not be used to describe human relationships past the similarity of needing to “ask” for things while being attractive in some capacity.

    Find what people find cute in you! And don’t overuse it.

  4. @jordanbloomfield

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    This totally resonates. When I was going to college after I separated with my wife (teen preg, young marriage) I felt this urge to hook up as much as possible, and it kinda blinds you to the great things that come from a mature relationship

  5. @NovelNovelist

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I think as a society we really ought to strive to get to the point where someone can just politely and casually ask someone else, "Would you like to have sex with me?" and the other person feel non-threatened or judgemental and simply accept, politely decline, or give some kind of middle ground answer (i.e. "Let's get to know each other more and then decide." or "What are you into? What do you want to do?" etc.). In general I think people make sex way too complicated and high stakes.

  7. @Densoro

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I'm a sex-positive asexual who always just wanted someone to care about me and I've somehow bumbled my way into sex with a total of four people lol My number would be headed higher, but I realized sex isn't really the part I was looking for in the first place.

    It's always super affirming to see very sexual people be like, 'Yeah it's cool but it's not to die for.' It took a lot for me to realize that I can matter to someone as intensely as I want to without putting anything in my mouth. I haven't hated most of my sexual experiences, but it's nice to realize that I was pretty much always prioritizing other people's desires above my own.

  14. @mauricioleos9836

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I am working on creating a video or documentary about myself to help me approach with confidence and congruence I want to connect with people online in los Angeles and my dad. On a level of intimacy. I hope my dad and would study relationship building skills and pua method together

  16. @inkarnator7717

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    Guys, just consider asking yourself this question: If that person over there is going to be creeped out by my honesty, openness and good will, then is it even worth bothering so much about that person's inconvenience being triggered by said means?

    I would even consider it a favor for that person, because the more often that person is put into that inconvenient position, the more he/she is forced to modify his/her attitude, which makes him/her grow as a person.

  17. @neosoontoretro

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I have to ask, isn't anyone just little disillusioned with sex and relationships of today? From what I see there so many people who are lonely, discouraged, and jaded. And it's not just because people are sexually frustrated (although I do realize it's a significant part of it). It's really boils down to conflicting messages we're given on daily basis even from the people who are closest to us. I think the problem is that sex has become too mechanical nowadays, sex isn't just about sexual release or at least it shouldn't be.

  20. @TheDarkPercy

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I think it's great to have those people being super upfront about their sexual desires, even if they create awkward situations sometimes. I almost never pursue sex but when I meet someone being super upfront about wanting to have sex with me, I'm usually very attracted

  24. @WarpScanner

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    The fact that openly discussing the fact that you want sex makes people uncomfortable sucks. And I feel like the solution is to not be afraid of potentially making people a little uncomfortable every once in a while by bringing it up. Or even trying to ease others into discussing their own sexual interests (which might actually be easier, people usually like talking about themselves, so if you give them an opening to talk about sex more people will be welcoming of the discussion)

    Unfortunately, I'm too much of a chicken shit to actually do this.

  25. @animalloverrr2000

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    nice video! I am sex positive too and it doesn't concern me who has affairs with who or how many, none of that jabba jabba. But when you start demanding sex and giving out threats that becomes horrific. Also being creepy about it won't help either.

  26. @gothatfunk

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    Bravo.
    I seldom flirt. But, I can be very forward. Being direct without being inappropriate tends to get respect, even if the answer is "No thanks".

  27. @PareliusC

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I find that money and free time are huge barriers for me. It also doesn't help that because of social awkwardness, weight, bad hygiene habits and disregard for how I looked when I was younger have left me in a situation now where at 26, I've only ever been on dates with women.
    Now I prefer to spend my time trying to focus on improving my self financially, intellectually and in my chosen trade. While it really, really used to bother me when I was younger, it really doesn't anymore. The only concern I have is that when I am ready my lack of experience will put me at a disadvantage.

  28. @MyCatsStillLoveMe

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    When I was younger, I was pretty naive and inexperienced in the world, as many of us are. As a teenager and young adult I had many guys use manipulative, sneaky tactics to try to get me to have sex or be aggressive to the point of me both physically and verbally saying No and them continuing to make advances. I very much appreciate people who are open and honest about their intentions, even if it can get a little uncomfortable, because I was in so many situations when I was younger where I genuinely thought a guy wanted to just hang out and spend time with me and get to know me, but he literally only wanted to have sex and was only interested in me in a physical way. Which often then snowballed into the situations where the guy was continually making unwanted advances to the point where I felt trapped and panicked and wasn't sure how to get out of the situation safely. It really messed with my trust and self esteem in relationships later in life too, people really need to make sure everyone is on the same page and GET CONSENT in any kind of sexual encounter, trying to coerce or manipulate someone into sex is disgusting.

  29. @num1shinfan

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    the taboos around sex and the fear of being labeled as creepy has caused me to completely shut down. I live in a close-knit community where if one girl thinks you're creepy 20 think you're creepy. It's not worth the shame

  32. @carnos6

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I feel like sex can be given importance not just becuase of how much fun it is but becuase it's not always readily available. Like, if I want a pizza or a smoke or something I can just go to the shops etc, but even in a relationship sex always needs at least two willing participents.

  33. @samuentaga

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    Good video, great advice. I'm 22 years old and a virgin. While my libido is still very high, I don't really feel that desperate anymore for sex. I know it's entirely my fault, as I'm awful in most social gathering situations, so I find it hard meeting people outside of my small group of friends. It's something that I'm slowly working towards, and I have been on a few dates, so as you said, odds are it will happen eventually, and it will be great when it does.

  36. @pythonquark

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    You make some really good points. I feel that you kind of skirted around the issue of why being open about your sexual desires can creep people out. If you strike people as a person that will have sex with anyone, it is desperate. If there is a flirty mutual attraction, you have to build that persons trust to "prove" to them that you care about them and their pleasure.

    Most women have easy access to bad unsatisfying sex so if you prove to her that you care and have a collaborative view of sex (as opposed to sex being a thing men do to women) then if she is DTF then you have much better chances.

  37. @Oxbayer

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    the thumbnail and intro of this video are just so genuine LOL.

    i love you t1j. keep doing this. you're an important voice in this strange time believe it or not.

  38. @BewitchCraft

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    I don't think there is anything wrong with people that want sex frequently and actively seek it out as long as its consensual and they're being safe. I do take issue with people, and I have met some in my life, who think sex is owed to them because they have "needs" and those needs NEED to be fulfilled, as if sex is food, sleep, or air. Tug one out dude, no one owes you shit just because you have urges. You will not die if you don't get any. Those types scare me sincerely. And if you are a person who needs sex on the regular but wants to be in a committed relationship, for the love of goodness, be upfront with that shit with your partner from the beginning. I have no sympathy for cheaters. Be upfront with your sexual desires, if they are not being fulfilled, speak up or leave. Unless you both agree to have an open relationship. Don't cheat. Nothing excuses it.

  40. @Canemikat

    August 15, 2025 at 1:31 am

    as an asexual this was a very nice sentiment to hear. While I'm sex positive I personally don't want to participate in it and you wouldn't believe how many people find this offensive. especially with people who are super open to one night stands and casual sex it's like I'm getting in their way. But I'm also making them question things they thought were givens. I personally don't feel comfortable with sex and these particular people see it as the meaning of life. that's fine just respect my preferences as much as I respect yours you know.

Comments are closed.

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