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Inside the Marriage Wars

Matt Baume | June 23, 2026



If you asked someone in the ’80s if the director of When Harry Met Sally would fight the actor who played the Terminator over legalizing marriage for same-sex couples, they would probably have said … probably not! And yet, in 2012, I found myself heading to Rob Reiner’s house to lend a hand with a lawsuit that would, in no small part, determine the future of same-sex marriage.

Thanks to everyone who provided voices for this video:

Sam Pirie as the voice of King James
– Watch Sam’s videos: https://www.youtube.com/@thesamp

Dr. Lee Arnott as the voice of W.R. Greg
– Watch Lee’s Molly House video: https://youtu.be/DpkcwBK15bc
– Check out his podcast with Dave Moor: https://www.youtube.com/@PodcastGaze
– And also here: https://podcasts.apple.com/sk/podcast/the-problematic-gaze/id1750288007

Dave White and Alonso Duralde as the letter to ONE Magazine
– Listen to their podcast Linoleum Knife: https://linoleumknife.libsyn.com/

Sonari Glinton as the voice of court rulings
– Find his work: https://www.sonariglinton.com/

Huge thanks to Emma for editing this video! Check out her channel, Media Processing: https://www.youtube.com/@mediaprocessingchannel

Join me on Patreon for hours of bonus videos: https://www.patreon.com/c/mattbaume
And give a Patreon gift membership: https://www.patreon.com/mattbaume/gift

Read my book Defining Marriage, full of personal stories from the fight for marriage: http://definingmarriage.com/

00:00:00 – Introduction
00:03:02 – Getting creative in the distant past
00:13:38 – Brave early organizers
00:30:29 – Surprising 70s television
00:34:55 – Fighting back in the 80s
00:42:52 – Risky moves in the 90s
00:49:03 – Sitcoms versus same-sex marriage
01:07:22 – Salvaging the California campaign
01:24:11 – Outlaw weddings in San Francisco
01:44:11 – Standing up to Schwarzenegger & the Republicans
01:57:08 – Proposition 8
02:38:27 – Stonewall 2.0
02:48:15 – AFER emerges & activist infighting
03:15:23 – Our day in court
03:35:40 – Going to Broadway
04:12:56 – An impossible election challenge in 2012
04:28:24 – Supreme Court showdown
04:41:40 – The day of decision
04:47:13 – More couples step up
05:01:47 – What happens now?

Written by Matt Baume

Comments

This post currently has 48 comments.

  2. @AxelQC

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    You could do an entire episode on Mormon involvement in the marriage wars, from the 1995 Proclamation on the Family, to the donations they ran in Alaska, Hawaii, and Texas in the 1990s, to their heavy involvement in Prop 8. They were a major backer of NOM, with Matthew Holland (Mormon Apostle's son), and Orson Scott Card serving on the NOM Board.

  4. @JoaoRocha-dp3hk

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    To this day my favorite trivia about the struggle about gay marriage in the US is how one of the few Republicans who supported it kinda publicly was DICK CHANNEY. Yes, Bush's VP, known for his huge desire for bombing Iran and ruthless positions, supported gay marriage and LGBT rights simply because his daughter was a lesbian. This is as crazy as hilarious as it could.

  7. @mboatrightED300

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    So i lived through all of this and just realized you are the same guy who was doing the weekly update videos I watched back then. Also got choked up at the interviews with Rob Reiner and Michelle Singer, may their memories be a blessing.

  11. @SpiderKittin

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Ima be honest. This has already become a sleepy time video. I think ive seen just about the whole thing at this point after putting it on a few times. 😂 Thats ok tho. Its more views for this amazing video and it gets a full watch either way. Deff gonna make this a regular sleep video. 😅

    Happy pride ya'll!

  15. @Rennar3210

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    I was too young to really be interested in politics when prop 8 happened, but oh my god, you can see all of the incompetencies of the democratic party on fully display there.

  16. @simes0161

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Really enjoying watching this – as always well presented and well put together. Love seeing young Matt…. but what an amazing story. Thank you for doing this. Just….. WOW

  17. @RaverHates

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    01:02 isn't there something in the US Constitution about not basing laws on religious beliefs? If the strongest argument against equal marriage is that a Holy book says it shouldn't be then how did that get any legal foothold at all? I'm not from the US so I genuinely don't know, mebbe I'm wrong about the secular nature of their constitution?

  20. @godnoble

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    It's wild to me that the actual legal marriages in Massachusetts got about 15 seconds (with no mention of the 6 months of debates in the state house) but the San Francisco marriages got half an hour.

  21. @15birdsandoneplane

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Such an amazing video!

    It really shows how perseverance and community can eventually lead to positive change, and even if the people working towards it have different ideas about how to make that change happen, they all contribute something. We all have a role to play and our own strengths.

    But also, don't become complacent. It's easy to assume that rights once granted won't be taken away. But they have already for many – abortion. No one is immune in this political climate.

  23. @nattiedraws

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    I am glad to have supported your work for near ten years now. From the podcasts, to the early videos, to culture cruise, to the more video essay style of now. I always find myself tuning in to anything you make. You've been very foundational in teaching me about gay history, discovering things about myself, and the media I take in and I simply must thank you for all that work you've done.

    It's amazing hearing all the stories of queer life we've heard through your tireless work for decades, Matt. Watching this video and being able to know so much of the story already from taking in your work for years is sure something. Getting to put all the pieces of history you have discussed for years by putting them all together in one large work. It's a biography on your own work for years, telling the stories and history through all those years of your work, marriage equality work, etc.

    This is a fantastic video and you've really outdone yourself on this one. Keep being fabulous, and I look forward to watching your work for many years to come.

  24. @VeracityLH

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Okay, less than 15 minutes in and I had pause… The "expert" says that lesbians become prostitutes because they hate men….? I've run that through my head several times and said it out loud a few more. Nope, not getting it. "Experts" holding such opinions should be locked in a room with "facts" like this on a loop until they figure it out or really do crazy.

    I'm reminded of a survey I ran across every straight man I met in the 90s. I would ask if they were comfortable with gay sex, specifically two women. Then I asked why is it that most men I talked in the 90s didn't like the idea of 2 women in a relationship, casual or committed. Yet the same men loved to view p*rn with scenes of 2 women having sex.

    (For context, I spent a year managing a video rental concern.I spent more time than I wanted reorganizing the adult movie room, and even more splicing and reviewing frequent rentals from that room)

    Of all the men I've talked to through the year and my questions of, only one ever gave a clear and realistic answer. Why do you like it onscreen but it makes at best uncomfortable in the flesh? What's the difference?

    His answer: It's about being in control. It's the idea that I can make these girls so horny, they'll even fûck each other."

    I replied "So it's all about YOU?"

    "Essentially."

    😑

  26. @lilyk.186

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    2:00:02 I’m born and raised from CA and I was around 8 years old when prop 8 was on the ballot. I came from a household that wasn’t homophobic but just didnt think to talk about those sorts of things. It wasn’t until there were a million signs about it everywhere that my parents explained what the proposition was and why they were voting no. It’s very ironic that prop 8 of all things is what gave me the words to explain some of what I was starting to feel as a baby bisexual. I wish the context were better, but it gives me some solace to know that that was a rebellion against them in it’s own small way!

  27. @Elusive_Reclusive

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    I watched this thinking – why doesn’t it feel like this anymore? Why can’t we organize like this anymore? There were less rights then than we have now, and instead of that making us feel hopeless, it motivated us. I think the key is simply a clear idea of what we’re fighting for. Then it was – marriage. Simple, clear, everyone can understand. People can’t show up and get involved unless they know what they’re fighting for. It feels so unclear, muddled, and hopeless right now. We need to pick an issue and back it, 💯. And when that’s finished, we can pick another back that, 💯. I think we all feel overwhelmed when our phones are slamming us in a thousand different directions everyday. The constant distraction feels like our downfall

  34. @lizisasleep

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    You are such an important documentarian of LGBTQ history but also an important part of shaping it. Truly blessed by your work, always. Thanks for your immense dedication. Your audience adores you.

  37. @dokiepkosa

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Finally at the end, what a beautiful scrapbook of struggle, determination, and perseverance. Our fight isn’t over, but Matt Baume’s work highlights that the fight is always ongoing. Thank you for the bit of joy along the way 💖

  38. @sperry8399

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    I love how we learned so much about you in this video

    What an incredible story.

    I cried so much from the quote
    "We were fighting for the dancing"

    Thank you

  39. @HWorms

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Thank you for helping me cross off "youtuber I like posts a 4h+ deep dive extravaganza" off my good-things-only 2026 bingo card. with a bonus hour on top of that no less! Only just started watching. I shall comment more as I watch [eyes emoji]

  40. @MikoTerribo

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Apropos of the World Cup, if you keep winning corners you are going to score. Also, you can’t win a game in your own half. Good video, cheers from Canada.

  44. @Radar_of_the_Stars

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    It kinda breaks my heart seeing Gavin Newsom act so progressive in the mid-00's, knowing that 20 years later he would be the democratic establishment attacking civil rights causes for being "too radical" and "costing democrats elections"

  45. @Sundance694

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Matt, I discovered your channel about two years ago and have always enjoyed your videos. But you have absolutely outdone yourself with this one.
    What a phenomenal job.
    I wouldn't be surprised if it was used in classrooms.
    Seriously, take a bow.
    Congratulations on a spectacular job

  47. @dziobak101

    June 23, 2026 at 3:26 pm

    Matt, I’ve been watching your videos for a long time. This one is an important, epic, historical masterpiece. I watched every second of it, and only paused it to shower. When it was over, I couldn’t believe it had been five hours. I laughed, I cried, I felt outraged all over again, I felt despair and hope. I felt inspired to keep living out loud! This should be required viewing for every queer person!! 🌈❤

Comments are closed.

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