Exclusive: How The Pill, Dating Apps, Porn & Girl Bosses BROKE Love | Matthew Hussey
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Welcome to another power-packed episode of Impact Theory, I’m Tom Bilyeu!
In today’s episode, Matthew Hussey and I are taking a deep dive into romantic relationships and how to most effectively navigate the challenging, high-stakes dating game in 2024.
From THE pill to the red pill, dating apps, crumbling gender norms, social media, weed, porn, aimlessness – all of it together is a disastrous cocktail.
And the volume and velocity of terrible, complex dating advice on the internet is astonishing, given there is a hilariously simple path to seduction and success in finding a real, lasting partnership.
Here to unpack the complexities of modern relationships is New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and world-leading dating coach, Matthew Hussey. Check out his latest book, “Love Life”, out now at https://lovelifebook.com.
In this interview, we touch on:
– stories men tell themselves about why women aren’t interested in them
– the red pill advice driving men crazy
– the search for empathy and acceptance in relationships
– challenges of modern dating culture
– the importance of healing from past traumas
– embracing individuality and charisma
– the impact of vulnerability in attraction
– societal impacts of women’s independence
– the balance between protecting oneself and being vulnerable
– recognizing and avoiding unhealthy relationship patterns
– developing power beyond traditional stereotypes
– practical steps to feel visible and improve self-worth
– the complexity of understanding women and attraction
Through personal stories, both Matthew and I open up about our experiences with vulnerability in our relationships and the profound impact of being fully seen and accepted.
Buckle up for an episode that promises to not only challenge your perspectives but offer tangible advice on navigating the evolving landscape of love and relationships.
Chapter Markers:
[0:00] What drives attraction
[41:07] Keys to finding love
[1:13:22] A different perspective on life’s unfairness
[1:44:33] Not everyone can understand you
[2:18:47] Priorities for personal fulfillment
[2:53:10] New sources of validation
Powerful Insights From Matthew Hussey:
“So much of what drives attraction is more charisma…I think that it’s a kind of the idea that the rich guy gets or the attention is quickly undermined by how much a woman will pay more attention to someone who’s charismatic in a room than the guy who is like, you know, flaunting how much wealth they have.”
“If you have fundamental things in place, like your own confidence, like an acceptance of yourself and who you are, like a sense of purpose about what you enjoy and what you want to do in life, you are going to find someone who appreciates you for what you are, for who you are, for what you’re doing, that you don’t fit into some kind of a mold that would win the popularity contest in the mating game.”
“How do we actually bring men and women together and have them be more compassionate towards each other on the women’s side, too? Because to me, that will change the game for people.”
Follow Matthew Hussey:
Website: https://matthewhussey.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/gettheguyteam
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey/
Order “Love Life”: https://lovelifebook.com/
Follow Me, Tom Bilyeu:
Website: https://impacttheoryuniversity.com/
X: https://twitter.com/TomBilyeu
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tombilyeu/
If you want to dive deeper into my content, search through every episode, find specific topics I’ve covered, and ask me questions. Go to my Dexa page: https://dexa.ai/tombilyeu
Themes: Mindset, Finance, World Affairs, Health & Productivity, Future & Tech, Simulation Theory & Physics, Dating & Relationships
@TomBilyeu
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
@DiscoBliss
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
This guy feels as lost as any man I've ever seen. What's so interesting is how he's paid for advice.
@JustAnotherUkuleleGirl
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
The same applies men. Many say
they want one type a quality woman but lots of quaily women get passed up or cheated or friend zoned while men are chasing the opposite values.
@xelaklement3367
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
As a woman, this guy gets it. And from reading the comments, I get why most guys are single 😅
@WilliamWatts-v5k
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
I was waiting for you guys to kiss 💋. That would have been amazing entertainment.
@BH-2023
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
I think the reason a lot of (incel/autistic/personality disordered) men blame women not wanting them on their height is that (in their minds) it relinquishes them of any personal responsibility when being rejected (i.e., they are not being rejected because they have failed to grow themselves in an attractive way, but because they lack some immutable or unchangeable characteristic, therefore, taking the onus off of them).
Similarly, to Matthew's point, it seems a lot of these men are hypersuperficial and lack any depth themselves (kind of like Tom). So, when they get rejected, they lack the ability to search within themselves to understand possibly why, resulting in the projection of their own superficialities in their reasoning (e.g., Tom got rejected not because he lacks the ability to string a coherent sentence together and has no depth to his personality, but because he is too short despite the fact that women want someone who has depth and can string together a coherent sentence).
@enjuaihara2576
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
This is a bit bs. So its my fault im not handsome. My fault im not over 6 foot/ make over 100k/ try your hardest. No its bs womens standards are whats wrong are men on OF no they are not.
@CraftsmanJack9950
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
With all due respect guys, I have never had a woman help me think through how to fix a car, a house, etc.
@AP777-JC
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
We all need healing by Jesus. ❤
@AP777-JC
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
What a great psychologist
@JayJay-wg5ex
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Tom is medieval sorry
@JayJay-wg5ex
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
We are not just animals and swung by our evolutionary drives at all times. the hope is civilisation
@danielmace406
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Yes, girls like Leonardo DiCaprio because of his personality 🤦
@matthewgrande4038
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
red pill content was extremely valuable to me
@lalulala2819
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
I love Tom's blindness to his own double standards (and thus also to the whole “alpha man” community). He says himself: „if [men] don´t feel powerful you are in trouble“ (57:56), which summarizes the entire gender problem of today and shows that men are only after power and dominance. Now that women are also claiming this role for themselves, men can't stand it and come up with all kinds of excuses (misinterpretation of biological analyses or historical circumstances) as to why women are not allowed to take on this role.
@amandineminer6680
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Women can't step away from working because when they get divorced, they will need to provide for themselves. They want to be there for their kids, but realistically, marriages don't last forever now that life expectancy is longer. And they need to plan for when they end up on their own. Giving up their carrier means they will struggle later. It's contingency. And a lot of women love working too and don't want to give that up.
@aiaki807
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
They talk about short men being over looked but not the many women that dont fit into beauty standards that get horrifically treated.
@aiaki807
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Why dont short people just date each other??? Leave the tall people for the tall people 🤣🤣🤣 if yo ass is 5"3 and i am 5"6 …giiirrrllll sit down and let me have that 5"9 man 🤣🤣 go find a 5"3 to match your 5"3 😂. BAM compatibility at it's finest 😂😂😂. Lets put the circle in the circle hole and the square in the square hole please. Haha short women please stop taking tall men from the tall ladies 🤣 hahaha
@aiaki807
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
I dont think short men can see their own behaviour in relationship dynamics. There is a thing called "short man syndrome". I really tried with short men and i just can't anymore. I end up seeing him as either my brother or my son. 😭😭😭 It's the behaviour y'all. The insecurities from being short breed some WILD ass behaviours from short men that i cant and dont want to handle. 🥲
@aiaki807
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Short men end up bullying the fuck out my ass like a hyperactive lil brother constantly trying to one up me and over compensate. He can keep the dick. I dont want it. Thats too much anxiety for me. I will take the chill tall guy.
@atamtaki9336
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Both of them address some good points but…
but their attitude of two losers debating so dramatically makes unbearable to listen. Especially the guy who behaves like he would cry if his wife said 'no'.
@hellodolly9840
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Wouldn't it be nice if men could handle rejection and just be acquaintances with a woman, until he found someone who wanted him back and appreciated that.
@mariasaba2620
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
The reason why Rose loves Jack ,is all in her words when she sees him drawing :" You see people …" and he answers
:" I see you " .
@carla4940
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Matthew is so spot on and pretty attractive overall. You go Matthew and Audrey 🥂
@carla4940
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Matthew on the patronization, "we can't trust what she says cause she doesn't even know what makes her happier" .. Matthew Hussey is spot on !!
@carla4940
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
My 2 cents, studies have shown women overall can feel fearful (they don't want to be caught at the wrong place, wrong time alone). A tall, high status man means protection, safety. If we look at single mother families, we see risks associated (poverty, low status, kids not able to attend higher school). The pressure a woman feels when raising a family alone is enormous. Women get to learn the harsh impact of not having a proper partner, a father, to share the load, so they aim at the big ones, stronger ones, those who are less likely to abandon her with the children. Easy to grasp I think.
@max92_AT
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
quite some time that i was this infuriated watching an interview. these incredibly naive answers from matthew to the really important questions of tom.
What do you to got stop beeing invisible: work out, clean, have a purpose, etc… that does NOTHING in actually finding a suitable woman.
This entire dating advice online is so disgusting, that it creates so many filters/flags/conditions one should look for but NEVER is it actually talked about what to do if you cant find anyone even close suitable. Not due to your fault, but because your paths arent connected. Fatalism.
Thanks Tom for the questions and the other viewpoints, only reason i was able to keep watching.
@jz372
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Matthew Hussey is right and pretty on point about the absurdity and hypocrisy of the red pill.
@steved2510
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
One of my friends is pretty much broke and he gets all the chicks. A woman has no clue how much money you have unless you actually told her. Anyone can buy bottle service at the club and be broke in their bank account. So I completely agree with the charismatic factor about being yourself.
@Lolo-ux1pw
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Balance or homeostasis is a concept that I think gets overlooked in the discussion about attraction. They talk about taming and charisma but I think both genders are just seeking balance. I’m probably a 70/30 or 60/40 split in my feminine/ masculine energy so my range in the partner I’m looking for is the same reciprocal split. There is truth in saying both genders are different but it’s also foolish to overlook the ways we are the same. I’ve never been interested in a hyper masculine men because they don’t seem balanced and healthy. If a man hates or is afraid of his own feminine energy how can I trust him to value and respect mine? Hyper masculine men scare me AND I don’t want to date a mostly feminine man. I know it’s tough but the most attractive man is the one who knows loves and accepts himself and is honest enough to show that upfront. When I can see his authenticity I can judge if we are a match and give him real approval and love. The “don’t give a fuck” attitude that works with women is fake authenticity/ honesty/ confidence. You can fool some women with it ( mostly young women) but it NEVER works for long term happiness because we eventually see your true colors. Then the only way to keep the woman you fooled is to trap, scare and abuse her. Not a path worth going down. I feel so sad for guys who listen to redpill stuff cuz the end of that road is not a happy one😢
@MegaAvalonn
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
What I find most frustrating are women defending other women just because they're women. I'm sorry, but women are breaking up potential relationships after just the 1st date "because there's no spark." That's ridiculous. It's a cycle that will keep them perpetually single and jaded. I'm tired of women justifying these actions. Women DO NOT have special super powers regarding "emotional intelligence" were they can determine whether or not you're a soulmate after a 1 hour coffee date. Women need to stop defending this "reasoning." Get real!
And people like Matthew Hussey need to stop saying women are perfectly reasonable to have these "safety concerns." No, it's not reasonable to imply that your date may be a murderer or rapist. That isn't sexy. And by saying that you understand, you're only serving to legitimize the concern that you are indeed a rapist or murderer. You want me to respect a person accusing me of a crime I didn't commit? Fuck that. For some odd reason, this isn't a concern in places like Brazil or the Philippines, where I can tell you, there isn't less rape there than say in places like America or Canada.
@LinusWilson
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Congrats to Tom in creating such a nuanced discussion and not letting Hussey monologue with his pure pablum. Came off liking both guest and host better.
@LinusWilson
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
I’ve dated plenty of post child birth window women 40s to 50s. I believe the one who had kids are happier and more stable.
@totadol
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
As much as I love Tom (and find his wife annoying), I am team Lisa when it comes to having to be organized .. I think he is deceiving himself by calling his messiness “efficiency” it’s like bro you can be efficient and organized at the same time.. just admit your mess and develop the skillset needed to be organized
@willemvanriet7160
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
We each have to find our match, in terms of physiology, sociology and spirituality. It's a maze and hard but we all have to figure it out. People are less shallow nowadays since our consciousness are awakening.
@vanessaskin
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
I was trying to understand why it bothered me to read some of the comments that felt (key word) felt like there was a vibration of malicious, anger, bitter, projection, etc from people…I think no one can force people to be anything. People are just people no matter what titles they have who are sharing things in which many not all have good intensions. As adults we have the responsibility to take things with discernment and always do your own internal work. Whatever you believe will work for you and what you want is what matters at the end of the day. What is the need to complain about a 3 hour podcast that people want to be rude about and have these balls about how someone articulates themselves? Damn ya'll be mean as hell. Don't got to agree and resonate with everything but do we always got to share that? Take what resonates, ponder on why something doesn't, go have coffee with your friends if you'd like to explore more on the topic and call it a day. I don't know, people who have these balls and start being rude. I don't know man, it's low key a bit disappointing that Matt and Tom just trying to have a convo about where they are currently in life. Matt wrote a book that he is passionate about, and yea he has a platform where people are going to invite him to talk "about the same thing". To the lady who made that comment. Would make no sense to talk about some random plant? Same thing a comment I saw on "astrological bs" or whatever the person said. like what's wrong with astrology? it's a tool I actually use for further expansion on the topic of personal development. Some people use it carelessly and lack little awareness making others who understand it more deeper and utilize it with a bit more maturity or whatever give everyone else a bad rep. just like I'm not gonna get mad when people start to generalize women. you say what you want, but not every man or women are the same and general facts are also true at the same time. Just sharing some stuff here. Don't come for me because I'm not doing that to ya'll.
@Ren-1979
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
I really liked the example of winning the lottery that Mr Hussey points out. (1:08:00) He's 100% right about that.
In general, I like his attitude. There are hollow individuals among both genders.
@Theresa3267
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Tom, you seriously need to get out of LA. This is NOT the way women are. Not at all.
@Theresa3267
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Ridiculous rhetoric. Breastfeeding is not a “full-time job” – you don’t have to deal with the constant cleaning and sterilization of nipples and bottles and literally NOTHING is more nutritious. The vanity that has taken over our culture on this is disgraceful to women and children.
@BrunoMedeirosPHX
August 17, 2025 at 4:35 am
Was the pill really that impactful in shaping women's sexual behaviours? There was condoms before the pill, women could have casual sex about as easily, no? Or was asking a man to use a condom too much of a hassle?
Comments are closed.