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Perfect parents can go to h3ll

Julie Nolke | March 13, 2026



Their infant is potty trained and they don’t have anything in the house that’s plastic?! SCREEEEEWWW THEM! Sign up to my Patreon for behind the scenes bloopers and early access to videos here: https://www.patreon.com/julienolke

Come to my live sketch show! https://www.julienolke.ca/shows
Hamilton – Sep 5

Actors: Julie Nolke & Gina Phillips ( IG: ginalouisephillips)
Writer: Julie Nolke & Sam Larson
Camera: Sam Larson
Editor: Alec McKay

Written by Julie Nolke

Comments

This post currently has 32 comments.

  1. @ktiffany5904

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    I was breastfeeding my first newborn and surprised the nurse hadn't brought me my baby when he woke up during the night. I assumed he's been given a bottle and insisted he sleep in my room, not in the nursery. I didn't get a wink, but he did indeed sleep through the night from birth. I didn't believe it was possible
    Different story with the second child though.
    🤣
    Thank you Julie for the laughs.

  2. @tunafarrell2067

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    Both of my kids slept through the night at two months. We had issues (one was a biter and the other got constant ear infections), but we did have it easy in some areas.

  3. @JonBrase

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    I know I was sleeping through thunderstorms pretty early on, but my parents only managed no screens for the first few years because I was born in the 80s, and we are a shamelessly plasticful household.

  4. @SensSword

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    Getting a big O during child birth? Was that baby cannon dilated to 20 centimeters or something? The baby on the way out bounced like a bowling ball down a bumper lane thrown by a toddler?

  5. @yourmomsbff7670

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    My daughter is almost 2. She sleeps through the night, every night. I can count on one hand the amount of times she's woke up in the middle of the night since she was 10 weeks.

    Yes my baby is better than yours, and I will happily throw it into yours and everyone else's faces whenever I get the chance.

    Maybe have better kids next time, sorry not sorry.

  6. @ivyrose9360

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    With my first, I didn’t get any morning sickness, so I shut right up when other moms are swapping first trimester horror stories. HOWEVER, I did get about 3 migraines a week instead which was also very debilitating. Second kid I got more nausea and less migraines.

  7. @OkraGarden

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    With some of my kids I had easy pregnancies and they started sleeping through the night at 2 months old and would put themselves down for naps as toddlers. Then I had nightmare hospital bedrest pregnancies and kids that screamed and cried all day for years and did not sleep through the night until I kid you not 8 years old.

  8. @HopeB555

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    Lol. My 3 week old sleeps through the night. Then he cluster feeds literally all day and barely naps to make up for it. I can't get anything done. Oh and he broke my tailbone on the way out so I am OUCH

  9. @Vex-MTG

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    We were these parents. At least when it came to sleeping (6 hours by 3 weeks old) and eating (real food and loved diversity by 5 months).

    The rest of it… Yeah, screw those people

  10. @jasaye14

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    Babies can actually die if they regularly sleep through the night due to under-nutrition so she may not be winning as much as you initially thought!

  11. @joshuahoover6841

    March 13, 2026 at 10:10 pm

    As someone whose daughter immediately slept through the night with almost zero issues through toddlerhood, THEN three years later, I got the child from hell.I feel your pain, but I also know I feel imogens bliss 😄

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