TODAY
Live for Today. Hope for Tomorrow.
To get started for free, visit https://brilliant.org/aperture the first 200 of you will get 20% off Brilliant’s annual premium subscription. Read the story: https://aperture.gg/blogs/the-universe/live-for-today-hope-for-tomorrow Merch: https://aperture.gg/merch What exactly is tomorrow? For some, it is quite literally the day after today. For others, it invokes the idea of a near-distant future […]
Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive
Child safety expert and ex-pedophile Terry Parker drops in on the morning show to share some insider tips from his years spent as a sex offender!
Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
8 year old Lucas Armitage has become a national hero after bravely defending his home by shooting a burglar multiple times in the chest and neck. For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
Today Now! : Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.
11 year old Thomas Demming visits Today NOW! with the magical friend he hid for weeks in his bedroom closet. For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
How To Play Golf Against The Man Whose Wife You’re Banging On The Side
On Today Now!, golf expert Jordan Ritter has some Pro Tips for maintaining a steady swing while hitting the links with your mistress’ husband.
What It Was Like To Live Through History’s Deadliest Pandemics
Outbreaks of disease have impacted the lives of individuals and communities throughout history. Whether it’s an epidemic (a somewhat localized influx of cases) or a pandemic (a global phenomenon), illnesses that upend daily life, social activities, political institutions, and economic livelihoods leave an indelible mark on those who live through […]
The Science Behind Our Strange Sex Practices
Let’s face it, the very act of sex is weird. And gross. And the reason you exist. And the driving force behind the world’s technology. Human beings have developed some very strange habits, and it’s easy to look at something like, say, nasolingusts (nose lickers) and wonder, simply: why? But […]
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