What masculinity does to men | The Gray Area
Sean talks with journalist Jordan Ritter Conn about his book “American Men,” an intimate look at four men trying to figure out what manhood and masculinity have given them versus what they have cost them, and what to do with the gap between the men they think they’re supposed to be and the men they actually are. They talk about being fathers and sons as well as about violence, shame, ambition, male friendship, loneliness, and why being a “good man” might mean finally letting go of the desire to perform manhood.
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Host: Sean Illing (@seanilling)
Guest: Jordan Ritter Conn (@jordanconn)
00:00 Intro
00:47 Beyond the ‘what’s wrong with men’ debate
06:30 Why so many men feel like they’re not enough
08:14 Four different paths to manhood
16:17 The role of fathers
19:44 Achieve doesn’t always bring confidence
24:54 The cost of male loneliness
33:21 Rethinking what it means to be a good man
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@dogmoo
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
“I may need to be on creatine to fulfill a masculine desire” that’s the most box thing ever said
@sujeo
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
Society tends to focus so much on removing the "corset" for women, it totally neglected that it still applies toxic standards of masculinity to men
@makeracistsafraidagain
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
You can always identify a Real Man… he’s the guy who doesn’t care what other people think about him.
@NoTy345
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
Does 10-50k views for 40-50 minutes make more money than 250-800k views for 8-12 minutes? Tired of these podcast notifications.
@joanmoore1316
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
@jsalsman
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
I learned in high school: don't care about what other people think of your personality, only your actions.
@loch2000
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
I've never heard such a shallow perspective on masculinity be discussed with such confidence. The whole point of a standard is to be guidelines that you strive towards. It is okay to fail sometimes. Nobody is perfect.
Has anyone considered the fact that masculinity is an inherently good thing just like femininity? There's nothing wrong with men that want to be feminine, but you don't need to try to change the world to make you feel less pressure in comparison to the strong men out there.
Those traits that create pressure to do the right thing even when it's hard or persevere when times are tough or be stoic when everyone's depending on you. Those expectations that have carried on for generations might be there for a good reason and instead of coming up with reasons to no longer uphold them and give men an out to be victims.
Maybe we can all just realize that there should be balance and the world isn't as sunshine and rainbows as we like to believe. Strong, independent, honorable, patient, stoic, and kind men are important. That should be the standard for men. There's nothing wrong with men. There's everything wrong with the way masculinity is being interpreted in modern day, which is pushing young men to lash out or lose the role models they need to be hard-working, honest and just.
@jenniferesein4813
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
First and foremost step to being a man: stop being an entitled spoiled brat (aka abusive)
@princeLaharl2
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
They either deleted my original comment or deleted the original video upload. Either way, this is what I commented earlier:
A big problem is that the current discourse about masculinity is often framed around physicality, sexuality, and wealth.
It is time that we start focusing on respect, responsibility, and honor as desirable traits that must be nurtured and developed in order to be not just a better man, but a better human being. The best thing about it is that it can be apllied to women as well!
@Ashiawas9momo
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
Just be yourself!!!!!
@albiloha
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
The second guy said inadequacy for 44 mins straight
@TheItFactorMMA
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
Why would I take advice on masculinity from the two least looking masculine guys I think I’ve ever seen
@The_original_Silu
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
WHAT CAPITALISM AND HETERONORMATIVITY DOES TO A MAN*
@joalco3
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
Why should I trust you two?
@jonathanf2392
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
everyone has weakness, it's okay to show it at times. Unfortunate men are pressured to show strength even during hard times
@SuperNerd528
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
Curious what happened, I was just watching this video and it got privated and reuploaded.
@timmy101able
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
First
@vedm4285
June 23, 2026 at 3:46 pm
First