@andyb1653

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I love this, mate. You've described all of our best selves in this series.

You are a gentleman and a scholar, a dreadlocked philosopher, a yeoman of YouTube. HAKO sounds like good livin' to me.
@Dragon-Dad-74868

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

"Vin diesel is a gentleman and a scholar." -T1j
@cythera3240

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

where the heckeroni is the rest of the series my guy
@UnitXification

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

Dude, many passive people only think about themselves and the other way round. Don't mix up passive with altruistic and aggressive with egoistic. Be professional.

And about HAKO; When do you guys start to realize that inventing and throwing out new buzzwords all the time won't change anything???

Just let people be man, stop trying to tell them how to live their lifes and stop meddling in their affairs. There's no right and wrong it's always just YOUR OPINION. Nobody forces you to socialize with people you can't stand.
@TrueYellowDart

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I feel like this video could have benefited from an example of asserting one's self when the stakes are a bit higher, like engaging with someone using racist/sexist arguments – just so that people can have an example of how one can respond to a circumstance that's more confrontational, but not escalating said circumstance through use of assertive communication.

That being said, anyone making efforts to explain/promote assertive communication is doing a good service, so thanks.
@muireannnisidach7890

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I love HAKO but . . . as a Black Woman anytime I get near anything that sounds like I have a spine, it touches off another, "Oh no, an Angry Black Woman" campaign. These days that is as likely to come from middle-class, Black professionals as it once was a White cliché. As an entrepreneur I've reached the point of deciding to partner with someone who authentically believes in the business, can speak assertively when people argue, that can't be done, and not trigger the responses that threaten to undermine everything I worked for.
@MsPiggyNZ

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I agree with your point regarding the difference between being assertive and aggressive. It seems to be something a lot of people confuse. I haven't heard of HAKO before – that's great!
@amanda6870

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

The addition of "sorry" was the opposite of assertive. "Oh, it's Kevin, actually. Thank you." works just as well but conveys a sense of confidence. The constant apologizing we do for just taking up space and having boundaries and standards is the not assertive.
@milen748

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

lol that vin diesel part
@helpsie

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

Love your vlog, but dude, control the random hand movements. it's very destracting.
@Clownsheuz

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

Good vid broski.
@Goldenhawk0

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

HAKO!
@alishacrswartz

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

The German translation for assertive means something entirely different and I don't think there's a proper word for what you descirbed so I'm having a hard time grasping the concept of assertiveness…. 😀
@RandomBrownLunchSack

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN
@Glamador

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

This was an entirely semantic video. I enjoy hearing how you understand and apply your personal motto/philosophy, but I think your message could be better served if you stand less on the meaning of the words underlying the acronym and focus on the principle behind them.

Crap…there's a fallacy for this…is it No True Scotsman? No truly assertive person isn't being honest? Eh, good enough. My point is that you shouldn't try so hard to disprove other people's opinion on the use of the word you've chosen, because it will make them less receptive to the message that's the true goal.
@emberflake

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I like T1J's role play skits in this video. 🙂
@MyCatsStillLoveMe

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I'm crying at "Vin Diesel is a gentleman and a scholar and it's a CRIME that he hasn't won an Academy Award" 😂 Assertiveness is something I have struggled with my whole life. I tend to avoid conflict at all costs, and will actually go out of my way to keep even the slightest friction or conflict from happening, which is not very healthy. I am a lot better now than I was when I was younger, I ended up in some dysfunctional and abusive relationships because of my extreme passiveness and low self esteem. But I still need to work on it.
@TheRealChibby

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

What I appreciate most about HAKO is that the concepts balance each other out. Being honest without being kind or being kind without being honest lacks the respectability of employing both in concert (being honest kindly and kind honestly).

In this video you talk about assertiveness in the context of balancing your own needs with the needs of others, but I think in the same way that honesty and kindness complement each other, being open-minded balances being assertive.

I'm saying this because I find a lot of people look at the two as opposites. In situations where I assert my opinion, people think I'm out right rejecting or not open to their opinion, which a lot of times is not the case. It's one thing to disagree with someone's point of view, it's another to act like their point of view is invalid or inferior.

Of course there's interplay between all four of the components of HAKO, but I think those two pairings in particular keep each other in check.

I guess what I'm trying to say is HAKO! I really think you're on to something here T1J.
@Faerie_Kim

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I get it. HAKO! 😀
@Shadowsword12

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I really like this portion of HAKO, but for some (like myself) what do you think is the best way for a person to become assertive without offending others? I understand standing up for yourself is important but do you think there's other ways a person can be more assertive?
@Polyhat_

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

great video once again kelvin
@mootmuse

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I've been looking forward to this video for a while and it does clear things up for me, thank you!
@brambleshadow4

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

“Assertiveness implies honesty and respect”

I don’t think that’s necessarily true. From my understanding of the word, and from looking at the definition, the word assert means “state a fact or belief confidently and forcefully.” Nothing about this definition implies honesty or respect: for example, Donald Trump’s twitter is full of boldly stated opinions, making it very assertive, but his tweets aren’t necessarily true nor are they respectful.

Anyways, I don’t want to turn this into a debate over definitions, but I think you’re reading more into the word than is given. What you describe in the video seems more similar to advocacy, as advocacy also involves speaking out when it’s necessary (though this word also isn’t a perfect fit). I wouldn’t consider changing your motto though. HAKO as a complete package includes “kind” which I see as the counterbalance to assertiveness. So while I think it’s unfair to claim that assertiveness implies non-aggressiveness, kindness certainly does. The same logic applies to honesty; it isn’t implied by being assertive, but who cares because if you’re HAKO, you’re already going to be aiming to be honest as well.
@WarpScanner

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

Sometimes being aggressive isn't acting in self interest, in cases where acting aggressive is bad for your long term well being.

With that said, I interestingly find it easier to be assertive in defense of others, rather than myself, which I rarely feel comfortable defending. This is mostly because I do not trust myself to properly evaluate my own thoughts about myself, my default state is to be quiet in that case.
@aerendyll

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I think Assertive is the part of HAKO I personally struggle with the most. I can't exactly say that I'm a very assertive person, because I tend to avoid conflict.
@brumajs6274

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

I love HAKO. Quick, simple and effective. HAKO dammit! 😀
@JoshKantrowitz

August 9, 2025 at 3:05 pm

Good job T1J. You da man