Who you are fluctuates every single second | Lisa Feldman Barrett

So true! I had this conversation eith someone about introversion vs extroversion and I thought about MBTI for many years but when they said "it depends who I'm with" my mind was blown, it's so true!

yeah dude YOU be RUDE … cut it out … be better … ask Jiddu Krishnamurti for HELP … dude … oh yeah AND sure try and rip off The Buddha's dependent origination … dude … ask The Buddha … dude

Hearing your story about interrupting out of enthusiasm—and what you tell your daughter—made me want to reflect this back to you:
Enthusiasm can be the false egoic mind screaming to be heard. We have two ears so we can listen twice as much as we speak.
When that urge arises and hijacks the interaction, pause. Watch for where it comes from instead of speaking, and ask why it's showing up when your current role is to listen.
When the person in front of you is speaking, they are driving the car—you don't kick them out of the seat to drive.
Be still, be peace, listen.
You encourage your daughter to seek out others, yet talking over people blocks the very perspectives meant to help us grow.
"Do not do as I do, do as I say."
Teacher, student—be the student teacher.

The idea that we need to curate our social environments to bring out the best version of our fluctuating identity is just another performative cage. As Zael Veynor breaks down in Glow They Never Saw, outsourcing your self worth to relational contexts ensures you will never possess true internal authority. Real power begins when your baseline no longer depends on who is standing next to you.

Can someone out there pretty please invite Lisa, Hannah Fry and Hank Green to a panel discussion on this topic? Hank and Hannah have dropped hints during online dialogues suggesting they're coming to similar conclusions (I like Hannah's, "are we just fiction?" humourous posit). And come from three different approaches. I would enjoy that, and their interactions.

This is immediately why all ones personal problems only exist because of interpersonal relations, if you feel insecure it's because of your relation to others in the world. Takeaway from The Courage to Be Disliked, great read!

I've watched a few of these mini videos and I'm really enjoying what Lisa is teaching us. Is the full video available yet? I can't seem to find it anywhere. I'd be fascinated to hear more from this lady. Ty

Through others I have learned system abuse and concealment tactics through bullying cliques. I have learned not many authentically or genuinely connect through unconditional positive regard to maintain integrity. I have learned not many live accountability and responsibility for wellbeing. I have learned so many revelations of how to reveal "Unloved". I have learned that girls make other girls suffer and indirect aggression is their gender expression. What does that say about me in the social? I have learned how workplaces bully and lie. I have learned that so many emotionally, socially and academically challenged people say they are the best! I have learned collaboration is not ethical and done with right and wrong it's simply corruption and corroborating for an alibi approach to living. I have learned that people determine others because they don't have deeper growth mindset nor listening skills. Why should I become someone through all that reduction and selfish demands to overcome my independence and curiosity?

We're always changing.. different from moment to moment. Depending on your state of being and circumstances creates different experiences that can be perceived by you and other observers.. How you respond to someone..is then filtered through your own degree of understanding of whats happening..then interpreted into a meaning of Who you think they are at that moment . We influence each other so deeply.. We dont notice it

"I'm experiencing myself as engaged. Another person is experiencing me as rude, and that's what's real." Lisa Feldman Barrett's admission names a blind spot in driven people: they judge themselves by intent while everyone around them lives with the impact. The test is whether you could say, without guessing, how the person closest to you feels in your presence when you are under pressure.

Something about her I don’t like lol

A small repair for the interruption example: “I jumped in—please finish your point.” Then leave the pause open and listen. It gives the other person their turn back while keeping the conversation about what just happened.

Equally – be that person that brings out the best in those you are with at any one time – right?

Thank you for the insightful perspective. Indeed, it is the essence of reality we deal with daily. God bless you abundantly 🙏🏻🎉

The interrupting example made it click for me — I experience myself as enthusiastic and engaged, and the other person experiences me as rude, and both are real. Asking how extraverted you are when you're rested at a dinner party versus with strangers you don't know is a much better question than any fixed label. We really aren't the sole authors of who we are.

Reminds me of the book One, No One, and 100,000.

Einstein figured it out. Everything is relative, what you see or experience just depends your current frame of reference.

As someone who's brain is like a universal train station jam packed with incessantly deep, abstract thoughts. There are people who intentionally interrupt, I don't do it intentionally. My brain is processing a shit load of data, while analyzing it and predicting what to say as well as what is and will be said. Gotta love the combined type ADHD, ausbergers, gad, and depression value meal life gave me.

Whether someone thinks I'm rude doesn't matter to me because I catch myself interrupting and immediately apologize and give back the convo.

It's hard to talk to people about my likes and thoughts anyway. I think VERY deeply, depressingly deeply, about physics, reality, compute, etc with a tiny sometimes hard to find shut off switch. Whenever I try to be myself, eyes just glaze over and I give up.

Being intelligent in an unintelligent world sucks 😂

Unfortunately this is acient technology

is this an excerpt from a longer full discussion video? I really enjoyed past content delivered with Lisa and have been reading a lot of her work this looks like a new video and I'm hoping theres a full hour or more somewhere or to come?

The illusion of ego: thinking of yourself as mostly a brain in a body vehicle, a consecutive, inherent story; instead of thinking of yourself as mostly a body taking one breath after another until stopping one day, with a brain as a tool to find enough resources to keep breathing as long as possible.

My tool isn't that good at english… But if you see yourself as a combined system of a body with a mind, it makes sense that e.g. you won't be that happy for that long after winning the lottery. After winning the lottery you just will continue breathing, maybe in a more luxury car, but still all you do is hallucinate a background story while continuing breathing, it doesn't change that much for your body.

This is Jean-Paul Sartre, btw (See "No Exit". It's also why "hell is other people")

My character don't change for different people. What i say to one, I'll say to all. 😂

full video

NOW, WON and OWN, contain the same letters
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Thank you much for this simple but powerful IDEA, Professor BWELL